


that thing about forgetting

by optionofpeace



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season 7 setting, Slow Burn, and a bit of h/c, and no smut sorry not sorry, basically a lot of angst, but trust me it still should be okay, plot-based
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-20 01:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10652355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/optionofpeace/pseuds/optionofpeace
Summary: This story will be about memories and moments, about how even people who see 3 steps ahead of them sometimes take things for granted, because they think they finally deserve at least that sort of serenity in their lives. A story about how the damaged gets shattered and then is picked up and made whole again. Also lots of all sorts of love. A story from Mike's point of view, more or less.Mike is happy living his life as a legit lawyer, working with Harvey who is also more than happy that things are where they should be. But one night, Mike gets a mysterious phone call, and things kinda go south from there on.





	1. the lucky us

‘’Mr. Ross,’’ her voice was deep and velvet-like, but had that little razor sharp tone mixed along that. It reminded him a bit of Jessica’s voice. ‘’I know this is hard for you, but I’m gonna make this as quick as possible.’’  


Detective Holly Burnes had the sympathetic, yet tough glare in her brown eyes, her curly, shoulder-length black hair were tied up in neat ponytail and her face, similar to her eyes, told Mike that her heart was probably hurting for him, but she still was a hundred percent professional – such case as this wasn’t her first and overall he was just another victim, and, after some time, he will be yet another face in the crowd.  


Her hands were on the small steel table, in front of her was a folder, similar to what they had at Pearson Specter Litt, but it had grey, not blue cover. Her right hand held a ballpoint pen, steadily, ready to write down whatever information Mike was about to provide. There was no ring on the other hand, so she wasn’t either engaged or married. As she came in, Mike had noticed her shoes – they were, in fact, clean – and now they scraped slightly the dull, grey floor, made out of unknown material, under her chair, and Mike in the back of his head made a note that she is in a somewhat hurry and, just like he himself, doesn’t want to be here in this room for any second longer than it is necessary. The room itself was bright and reminded Mike of the couple of times he was brought in for some ‘’talking’’ regarding all the crimes he had committed. It’s funny, he sadly thought, how he’d rather be in those situations than the one he was in right now.  


Mike looked her in the eyes, answering with the same semi-cold professional look he had practiced all his lawyer years. No emotions needed, just facts. Just questions from one side and answers from the other. She will also probably throw in some I’m-so-sorries and I-understand-how-hard-this-must-be’s because she needs to sound nice even if she doesn’t really mean it. And it didn’t matter what was going to happen after this, right now was just this moment, every second freshly cut and approached with nothing but clear mindset. Or at least as clear as Mike could make it.  


For a slight second Ms. Burnes’s eyes travelled down to Mike’s hands, set on the same table as he was sitting across her, calm. Mike knew she was checking out the blood on his sleeves (he did try to clean the redness out of his expensive shirt but at some point he just gave up; the soap probably wasn’t very good for cleaning blood out of clothing) and he did no effort to change his position in order to hide the sight from her. It didn’t matter. God, it didn’t matter.

_____

Harvey was leaning against the glass doorway, the very same doorway that used to lead to his office, and watched quietly with a slight proud smirk on his face Mike being buried in some case work on his laptop. Mike was a total scatterbrain, but when he really got himself into the work, nothing could break his concentration, and sometimes Harvey wondered if he should make an experiment on how far he could mess around Mike until he noticed something was happening. Something like exchanging all those hipster fancy artsy photographs Mike had put everywhere with Louis’s face.  


Finally, Mike looked up, and his focused frown shifted to a surprised frown.  


‘’Yeah, umm, that’s not creepy at all.’’  


Harvey smiled because history sure as hell repeats itself.  


‘’What, I’m just inspecting all the shitty work you’ve done to make my office as unprofessional as it can be,’’ he straightened up and slowly stepped inside.  


‘’It’s your _old_ office, by the way, and for your information, putting different kinds of balls on every possible surface to mask your inability to understand what good interior design looks like doesn’t make it either professional or stylish.’’  


‘’Yeah, because putting that panda painting over there does the trick,’’ Harvey pointed to the left where his mother’s painting used to hang.  


‘’Hey, it is cute and makes a client feel welcomed and like home. But you couldn’t understand that because you are incapable of generating such feelings,’’ Mike couldn’t keep his dorky grin in place anymore and his face lit up with a warm smile.  


Harvey gave him ‘’is this all you got’’ look and came even more forward.  


‘’Alright, since I can see that you are beating the same old insult material as usual, I’m gonna put you out of the misery and present you this,’’ he slapped down on the table a case file and sat down. Mike picked it up and opened. ‘’CMO v. TR Logistics. The latter one failed to ship the high-tech medical machines in due time, therefore screwing up CMO’s project dates and now they are sinking in even bigger shit as time goes. The project itself was quite a risk to take, but there shouldn’t have been any problems if only the shipment went well. It didn’t, at the moment everyone involved including important investors are questioning the project’s durability, and that brings them suing the logistics provider.’’  


‘’Okay, so, what’s the problem exactly? It’s pretty clear to me that our client easily wins this. Their contracting party failed to do their job, it’s a valid no-brainer case,’’ Mike was quickly inspecting the material, looking for a problem and the reason why Harvey came to him with a case that even a baby could win.  


‘’Yes, but TR Logistics said that there was an unexpected weather conditions. Blizzard. It forced them to stay for 12 hours on the side of the road. They are using the force majeure argument here.’’  


‘’Huh. Well, this got a bit tricky. What else do we know about TR Logistics?’’  


‘’That’s why I came to you, Mike, you with your quick eyes and brilliant brain still do the best work on digging up stuff. We need to find every detail of how the shipment went, how long and how many times and where they actually stopped during the trip, and what persons precisely were involved. If we fail this, there is high possibility that CMO is going to leave our firm; it is a 1,1 billion dollar business, and we can’t afford to lose such client especially now when we are getting back on our feet.’’  


Mike slowly nodded.  


‘’Okay, Harvey, I got it.’’  


‘’Good,’’ Harvey stood up and gave Mike a soft smile.’’ Guess we will be working on a case together, just like the old days.’’  


‘’Yeah, except now I’m legit’’ Mike answered the smile with a bittersweet one.  


‘’Well, yeah. But it doesn’t matter, because to me, you were always legit.’’

\-----

Mike woke up filled with peace. Rachel was still sleeping beside him and the sun, making an illusion that it was warm summer day outside, not the end of November, was playing games of light on her face and hair.  


He turned to his left to check out what time it was. The blue numbers showed that it was 8 AM, and usually Mike would’ve freaked out because that was the time when he should’ve had already his nose buried in the paperwork, but he had done some extra time last night so coming in late wasn’t that big of a deal. Besides, he had a meeting with TR Logistics representative in the middle of the day, and that was about it regarding his today’s agenda, so Mike breathed in and enjoyed the calm morning.  


Rachel shifted on the right and made a groaning sound as she lazily woke up.  


‘’Hey, good morning,’’ Mike turned his face and smiled.  


‘’ ’morning.’’ Rachel murmured and stretched her arms. God, she was so beautiful.  


‘’I’m gonna get up and make us some coffee, right?’’ Mike breathed in as getting ready to do some hard work, then threw his legs over the side of the bed and finally stood up, ready to walk to the kitchen. ‘’What would you like better with it – French toast or good old Cheerios?’’  


Rachel pushed herself up on her hands and looked at Mike with disappointed look.  


‘’You better don’t make these two options the only ones, because I’d rather have nothing than eat bread filled with all sorts of fat or that GMO heaven. Fruits and Greek yoghurt please and thank youuu…’’ she stretched again while giving her fiancé a quirky look.  


‘’Oh don’t give me that, I’ve seen you having a nice bowl of Cheerios before and you sure as hell enjoyed it and you know it,’’ Mike defended his breakfast usuals by using, funny enough, the ‘’don’t play the case, play the man’’ tactic. What even was his life right now…  


‘’One time pleasures don’t count. My wish to eat nice food is stronger than a couple of mistakes made along the way.’’  


‘’Ooooh, so there were _multiple_ times you enjoyed that, what was it again, ‘’GMO heaven’’; are you sure those mistakes isn’t something your heart and soul want to tell you? That life is too short to live off of a boring Greek yoghurt?’’  


‘’No, but I am definitely sure that living with you makes me pick up your bad habits.’’  


‘’Ah, now I see. So your pleasures are my fault, right? Well, then you are hundred percent correct because it sure felt so last night. Oooh, yeah, buuurn!’’ Mike made finger guns and stepped back a bit, shooting. A pillow came flying and hit him on his chest.  


‘’Ow, alright, alright, black coffee and boring-ass Greek yoghurt with strawberries coming right up!’’  


Rachel laughed and dropped back down on the bed, and couple of minutes later their apartment was filled with the fresh aroma of coffee.

\-----

Mike ran up to Harvey in the hallway.  


‘’Harvey, TR Logistics have something they don’t want to tell us. Just had a meeting with the rep, she got heated pretty fast as I started to ask some pressure questions. Didn’t throw out anything precise but I know something isn’t right.’’  


‘’I suppose you are telling me this because the research you did on the firm didn’t reveal anything sketchy.’’  


‘’It didn’t. All squeaky clean. The blizzard report had no hiccups. But I don’t think the tension in that meeting was because of the rep – she is long time TR Logistics employee and they obviously wouldn’t send anyone who isn’t more than good at what they do to defend in a case where they have high possibility to lose.’’  


‘’Well, then you should already know what to do,’’ Harvey put on his bored tone, but Mike knew he still was curious.  


‘’Yeah, I’m gonna start digging in the employee hole. Has to be someone who not just gets heated, but also spills out some information.’’  


‘’And you need to work fast. If they have something to hide, they are going to work fast to bury it and distract us from where the real magic happens. Their lawyer, Tony Jackson, also isn’t an idiot in a suit, so they are setting up their shields. This meeting definitely sent a lot of red flags up, so manage to get inside the base before it closes completely.’’  


‘’Whoa, what’s up with the Star Trek slash Lord of the Rings subtle metaphors? Someone had a geeky movie night?’’ As they reached the elevators, Mike spilled it out, kind of trying to get back with more original insult than back then at his new office.  


Harvey pressed the elevator ‘’down’’ button.  


‘’If you really got that out of what I said, then you are the nerd here,’’ he lifted his eyebrows; the bell indicating the elevator’s arrival rang and Harvey stepped inside.  


‘’Right, wait, where are you exactly going now?’’ Mike stumbled closer to the Harvey.  


‘’It’s 4 PM. I need a hotdog.’’ Elevator doors closed and Mike was left standing alone. He should’ve guessed that this is what Harvey calls working together – Mike does all the dirty work, Harvey looks pretty.

\-----

It was late, and the city lights outside were as magical as always.  


Mike was sitting on a couch in his office, scotch in one hand, a pile of documents in front of him on a table. Tomorrow early was another meeting with an employee of that logistics company, together with their lawyer, so he was prepping as good as he could to make this person be the one who breaks. His name was John Trinsky and he had recently lost his wife. Mike knew using his vulnerable emotional state was wrong and he felt dirty doing this, but years and years working in this firm had put a toll on him, and his morals, even though he didn’t like to admit it to no one, even to himself, sometimes got clouded when such opportunity as this came up. The never ending adrenaline rush he felt when he got his victory laid out in front of him still got the best of him; yes, he knew he won’t precisely use John’s wife to break him, but he surely will play around it, pushing on the right spots without revealing directly the freshly bleeding wound.  


Mike took a sip. Sometimes he wondered whether it was Harvey that grew so much on him, or it has always been just him. Either way he wasn’t sure there was a way back from that.  


His phone buzzed on the table. Mike put down the glass and picked up the phone. The caller was unknown, but as a lawyer he knew that this might be a client, maybe from the clinic, calling in distress, or someone changing meeting plans, so Mike put the phone to his ear, getting ready to re-schedule his appointments.  


‘’This is Mike Ross.’’  


There was no answer. Mike frowned and moved his phone to his face just to check if he hadn’t accidentally pressed the wrong button. But everything seemed okay.  


‘’Hello?’’  


For a moment there still was nothing there but just as Mike was ready to end the call, on the other end music started to play.  


Even from the first chords Mike knew what the song was. The sound was grainy and dry, as someone would have put on an old vinyl record.  


‘’ Well, you've got your diamonds and you've got your pretty clothes  
And the chauffeur drives your car  
You let everybody know  
But don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire’’  


Mike felt goosebumps coming down his spine. This is stupid, he thought, this is clearly some kind of prank call, probably not even meant for him.  


‘’Hello? Who is this? I think you have the wrong number, buddy,’’ he tried again to make any contact.  


Suddenly, as Mike listened more carefully to probably make out something else besides Rolling Stones, a new noise showed.  


As the second verse started, someone was breathing deep and loudly, in and out, over the music. It started more quietly but then it gradually become louder and harsher.  


‘’Okay, this is not funny. Tell me, who are you and what do you want?’’  


The record, or at least what Mike thought it was, scratched out of nowhere and jumped to the end part of the song and the breathing continued as steady as before.  


‘’ Now you've got some diamonds and you will have some others  
But you'd better watch your step, girl  
Or start living with your mother  
So don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire  
So don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with -- ‘’  


And the call suddenly ended.  


Mike only now realized how frozen he was. Goosebumps kept raining down his whole body. Keep your mind clear, keep your mind clear, he reminded to himself. What are the facts? It was probably a really stupid prank call, although he couldn’t figure out any person who would do something like this to him. Maybe, Mike was really reaching here, it was Trevor? But he had no real reason for that, he was living his happy life with his family.  


Mike held the phone in front of him and tried to ignore the fact how much his hands were shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! this is the end of my first ever chapter of my first ever fic.  
> i hope you all liked it.  
> constructive criticism is super welcomed, also, keep in mind that i have close to zero knowledge about company law and how any of the procedures work, so, if you actually do, just please go with my bullshit.  
> thank you so much!


	2. break

Mike wasn’t sure why he didn’t tell anyone about the last night. At least it wasn’t the first thing he told Rachel after he got home. In his mind, a multiple scenarios were playing. One of them, which kind of dominated the other, said that he shouldn’t tell her later about it, because otherwise she might just get worried, or if she didn’t, it’d be just a random weird joke to lightly laugh about, and either way it wasn’t that urgent information to share. He will mention it soon enough, for sure, like while they will be having a dinner. It should be an interesting topic of conversation.  


The other scenario was probably because of how many movies he had seen – this part of his brain screamed that he needs to tell at least somebody about the call, because it literally was like any other Hollywood horror movie when a person just scrubs off the experience, telling themselves that it really was just a stupid joke.  


So that was exactly what Mike did. He, besides the fact that he was a huge movie fan, was rationally thinking guy, and no matter who the caller was or what was the reason of the call, it was a history. Movies were just movies, made to entertain – this was real life. And the more Mike calmed down over the night as he came home, he managed to convince himself that there sure are some dumb teenagers who have nothing better to do at late evenings than dial random numbers and just fuck with other people and then burst into laughter the second they end the call. He would’ve started to worry more if he actually found some basis of threats or even just mean pranks, but he didn’t, plus the call itself was very vague on the terms of the who’s, the what’s and the why’s, and that’s not a very efficient way how to make a threat. Also, just to confirm the stupid teenager theory even more, the person didn’t even show their voice - breathing was such a great way to both set the creepy mood and keep the identity unknown.  


When Mike woke up, he felt surprisingly good and fresh. His sleep was a bit troubled over the night, but nevertheless he still felt pretty well rested, and yesterday’s event even seemed quite dull now. They both had to wake up early as Rachel had lectures and Mike had to get ready for the meeting with the lawyer and the representative. Quick breakfast and a light kiss on her cheek set both of them off to their day.  


Mike rode his bike to the work. He started doing that when he got out of the prison and honestly he was wondering why he stopped doing that in the first place. Sure, it wasn’t fancy and it sure as hell didn’t make him look as much of a douchebag as he actually was, but, firstly, it kept him in a decent physical form and, secondly, speeding through the busy streets of Manhattan worked magic on clearing mind.  


One good thing actually did came from last night’s research – CMO had their secretaries on point and had provided Mike even in such hour with some very important information which took bunch of tough questioning off his shoulders, all that was left to do is to slam dunk the rep and the case was basically won.  


As he got to the firm and got his bike locked all good and safe, Mike tensed up as he heard a very familiar sound. It was muffled with other noise, such as people walking and talking and cars beeping, but just like a wind breeze in summer can carry a music even though it’s a mile away, so did the city’s cold air.  


Mike started to slowly come closer to the source of the music and he finally got a clear look at it. It was a guy, in his mid-twenties, wearing pretty impressive dreads and kind of trying to pull off the Marley look, standing near to PSL building, and he was playing a guitar and singing. And the song he was playing was no other than Play With Fire.  


Mike swallowed and forced himself to snap out of it. He was standing in the middle of the sidewalk and people were going around him annoyed, while the stoner dude was jamming out. There weren’t many people who gave him money, but he seemed so into what he was doing that he didn’t care about such material bullshit. But Mike did. Why the fuck would this exact song be played right now right next to his workplace? What was the fucking deal with all of this? A prank gone too far? His consciousness screamed that it’s just a song, that Rolling Stones isn’t just some any other indie band who no one knows, and he really needs to calm down, and he did, but damage was done and he felt the same rush of fear running through his body he worked so hard to push down last night. Finally, as someone slightly bumped into his shoulder because he really was starting to bother the flow of the crowd, Mike kicked himself mentally in the ass and ran up the stairs of Pearson Specter Litt. Only now the itch was there, in the back of his brain, waiting.  


\-----  


‘’You rode a bike? You got to be kidding me,’’ Harvey met Mike by the elevators and scanned him with a very judging look. ‘’Do you by any chance own a mirror? Give me back my office and go back being my associate because clearly you can’t handle the new level of class that came with it.’’  


Mike looked confused.  


‘’What? I already rode my bike to work yesterday and I am meaning to do that in the future-- what is so funny?’’ he changed his already concerned look to even more concerned as Harvey started to smirk in the middle of his sentence.  


‘’That thing about a mirror, Mike – look at your pants,’’ Harvey nodded with his head to Mike’s shoes. There he was, standing like a huge idiot nerd, because his pants were still tucked in his socks to prevent them from getting into the bike’s chain as he was pedaling, and in all these years there had been probably one case of him forgetting to pull out the ends as soon as he got off the bike. And now apparently this was a second.  


Mike rushed to fix his appearance.  


‘’What’s gotten into you, Harvey? You actually _helped_ me, not waited until I go around the firm and everybody is throwing me some weird looks. Oh my god, you have turned soft,’’ Mike stepped closer to him and looked at Harvey with humorous eyes.  


‘’Trust me, you manage to provide the world with enough material for everyone to laugh at you,’’ they started walking. ‘’I wonder how many people have told you to get rid of those skinny ties. Does Rachel really like them? Because why else you would do that to yourself.’’  


‘’Okay, now who is beating up the old insult material? What’s next, the fraud jokes? So cheap of you, Harvey, who would’ve thought a guy who owns a multi hundred thousand apartment with a view over Manhattan couldn’t afford better sense of humor.’’  


‘’You think it’s in the hundred thousands, that’s cute,’’ Harvey smirked as they entered the conference room.  


‘’Mr. Trinsky, pleasure to meet you. Harvey Specter,’’ he shook hands with the representative, a skinny guy in his fourties and with an overall professional and collected look. ‘’This is Mike Ross, we will be the ones asking you questions about the misconducted delivery.’’  


Mike also shook hands with John Trinsky and scanned his face. It might’ve escaped anyone else’s eyes, but he could see that the veil of grief was still covering Trinsky’s gathered appearance.  


‘’I hope you do that fast, because we don’t have all day for this bullshit,’’ now the lawyer, Tony Jackson, spoke and he looked like he meant it.  


‘’Don’t worry, Jackson, as soon as we have a nice conversation about your client’s failed job, we will be gone, ‘’ Mike gave him a cold smile and they all finally sat down.  


‘’There is nothing more to converse about, it’s all neatly said in the case file right in front of you that there was an unexpected, sudden blizzard out of nowhere and the roads got jammed in minutes. If you cared for the safety of employees or, at least, the safety of the equipment that was being delivered, we wouldn’t even be here right now doing this.’’  


‘’Well then let me ask some questions to you, Mr. Trinsky,’’ Mike turned to the other man.’’ You were the coordinator of the delivery, right? How come that there were no instructions for the trucks to wait until the snow passes in a secure parking lot near your actual stopping point on the side of the road to guarantee the safety of both – your company’s and CMO’s – equipment? Was it your idea to just let everyone stop wherever they felt like on the side of a highway?’’  


‘’A decision was made that it didn’t seem necessary at the moment,’’ Trinsky started to talk, his voice was way deeper than Mike had imagined. ‘’It was a blizzard. Everyone on the road was slowly trying to get to safety. The visibility was really bad and, truthfully, the only thing that mattered was that the drivers don’t risk and just stay where they are. Everything was under control. The highway had a wide sideline for stopping.’’  


‘’How far the trucks had stopped from each other?’’ Harvey added in.  


‘’Not far, you could see every next truck from the previous one. I ordered one of the drivers to check up on everyone, he reported back that everything was fine and all that was left was for us to wait for the weather to calm down.’’  


‘’Did you order him to check up on just the drivers or also the carriage?’’  


‘’Just the drivers, obviously. If we had opened the containers, the snow surely would’ve gotten into them and god knows what damage might’ve been done to the medical equipment.’’  


‘’Okay, so let me ask you this then,’’ Mike took the lead from there.’’ If everything was okay and nothing was out of ordinary, why did CMO send us this review where it says that from two out of five trucks some parts from different medical machines are missing?’’ He pushed the document towards them.  


‘’What? That’s some top class bullshit,’’ Jackson confidently smirked. ‘’CMO just wants to make us to look guilty out of nowhere just because their project got screwed up. That’s some bad faith right there.’’  


‘’You can say that, but the facts don’t lie that several machines don’t work and that there are clear signs about somebody messing around with them. They also said that whoever did that may had known what they were doing – it wasn’t random choice. So, I will ask you again, Mr. Trinsky, how sure are you about what exactly happened in those twelve hours of standstill?’’  


Trinsky suddenly looked tired and worn off, like this was too much for him.  


‘’Look, I trust my men, and the one I ordered to do the check up is a long time employee and a very responsible person. So I will stand behind his judgement every moment I need to.’’  


Harvey shook his head.  


‘’Fondness of a person is not a good enough reason for us to believe that you had nothing to do to prevent this. Like you said, he just looked after other drivers, not the carriage. Don’t you think there is any possibility that the thief used the situation to do his job while the only concern you had was about the people?’’  


‘’Of course I cared about the people more than the stuff we carried!’’ Trinsky was starting to get impatient and Mike smiled internally.’’ There was close to zero chance for something like this to happen, and nobody in our place would’ve thought that checking the goods is necessary.’’  


‘’ I’m sorry, Mr. Trinsky, but do I need to remind you about your liabilities?’’ Mike looked the man in the eye. ‘’Check up on your people all you want, but by the contract you are bound to carry the goods to the destination all in one piece, without a scratch, and in due time. Obviously we can let the last one slide, but what we can’t do is to let you act so irresponsibly. So tell me again, do you really want us to believe that you weren’t slacking in your job? Maybe being too distracted? Because if I were you, I’d be pretty damn worried right now about losing my job, and I’m not so sure that you are ready suffer through that.’’  


Harvey gave Mike serious look. He wasn’t expecting him to be so harsh, especially since the guy seemed to have a good heart.  


Mr. Trinsky looked at his lawyer, and he looked at Mike filled with thoughtfulness. Mike knew he was trying to come up with something good enough, but it just wasn’t there.  


Harvey decided to break the silence.  


‘’Well, seems like you two will be getting out of here soon enough after all. We got what we needed, now what’s left is to find out whether any of the drivers don’t know anything about medical instruments. Gentleman,’’ he stood up, gently hit on Mike’s shoulder to make him do the same, and they walked out of the conference room.  


\-----  


Mike was sitting by the fireplace, folders lying everywhere around him. Rachel was in the kitchen, cooking something nice, but he had a lot of work to do as some clinic work had come up besides the blizzard case.  


‘’Okay, dinner’s ready, just… take some break from your work for a bit, will you?’’ Rachel was setting up the dining table with two steaming plates. Mike didn’t know what it was, but it smelled really nice.  


‘’Ya, I’m coming. Last sentence,’’ he was half-standing and holding a folder while reading the last few words. Finally, he put it down and stood up completely and joined Rachel at the table. ‘’Mm, what is this, some sort of shrimp pasta? Smells heavenly.’’  


‘’Yes, with garlic and a bit too much butter to call this healthy.’’  


Mike took a bite.  


‘’Well, tastes like you put the _exact_ correct amount of butter. ‘s amazing.’’  


‘’Glad you like it, even this is a step up from your usual pizza and Cheerios diet,’’ Mike smiled and took another bite, because the food was more tasty than his potential comeback.  


‘’So, anyway, how’s the case going? Did you make the guy speak out about the mistakes?’’  


‘’Yeah, we did it, together with Harvey. That dude wasn’t tough at all, if anything, he didn’t leave me with the expression that he is made to command and make decisions regarding effective organization. And their lawyer wasn’t the strongest, either, actually, it was a bit weird. You’d think that such company could hire a better one.’’  


‘’Or he was good, but you both were just better,’’ Rachel gave Mike a smile.  


‘’Or that. Yeah, that works better,’’ he answered her with the same. ‘’That lawyer, Tony Jackson, he tried to claim that our client—‘’  


‘’Wait, Tony Jackson?’’ Rachel intervened. ‘’He used to teach us at the university, tort law course. Maybe as a lawyer he isn’t so bright, but as a lecturer, he was pretty good.’’  


‘’Huh, the world is small, isn’t it?’’ Mike stabbed extra big shrimp with his fork, and for a moment, they were dining in silence.  


It was Mike again who spoke first.  


‘’You know, last night before I got home I had this weird phone call,’’ words started kind of slip out of his mouth before he fully considered whether to tell this Rachel or not. ‘’It was obviously a prank call, but still pretty creepy. A guy, well, a person, was playing Rolling Stones – you know that song, Play With Fire?’’  


‘’Yeah, my mother is a big Stone’s fan, so I know a lot of their songs,’’ Rachel nodded. ''Go on.''  


‘’Okay, so, the music plays, and that guy just starts breathing really slowly and loudly over the music, for some time, and then just the call ends right before the last seconds of the song. Had freaking goosebumps all over me, because it was literally just me alone there sitting in the dark.’’  


Rachel thankfully didn’t look concerned, even better, she was half-amused.  


‘’That’s so bizarre. Probably some dumb teenagers calling around and freaking out random people.’’  


‘’Yes, I’m thinking that, too. Honestly, I thought teens played video games when they had nothing to do.’’  


‘’Seems that they wanted to be original. Extra adrenalin dose,’’ she put her hand on Mike’s. ‘’Anyway, I’m glad that it wasn’t anything much worse, like fake threat call or something. Teens can easily overstep the ‘’okay’’ boundaries while experimenting with their creative side. Also, speaking of phone calls – I also got one yesterday.’’  


Mike looked at her with a suddenly troubled look. She smiled.  


‘’Don’t worry, not _that_ kind of phone call. It was my mom, and she said that my aunt who lives in Britain will be visiting for couple of days starting from tomorrow and if I wanted, I should come see her. I haven’t seen her in years, so I think I will spend a couple of nights at my parent’s. You will be okay here alone?’’  


‘’Yes, Rachel, I will try to survive without you, all alone with my cheerios, ‘’Mike smirked widely. ‘’You go have fun with your aunt. Oh, and by the way, how are your parents doing?’’  


Rachel’s smile faded a bit and Mike got a cold feeling coming from her.  


‘’You know, all good. Dad’s firm is growing, mom is also doing what she loves.’’  


‘’Haven’t really seen them since the…’’ Mike suddenly understood where he had gotten himself into. ‘’Since the wedding.’’  


Rachel’s smile had disappeared completely.  


‘’Ya.’’  


Mike looked at her.  


‘’I guess they weren’t too happy about that day, huh…’’ he tried to ease up the moment, but somehow failed miserably. Because Rachel looked him in the eye and she was all but calm.  


‘’What do you think, Mike? They wanted to see their little girl have the day of her life and then it all just disappeared in one moment. They were ready to accept you, they were ready to be there, be happy for me, but you just… just decided to go away like that, what do _you_ think, how did they feel?’’ Her voice was rising and Mike started really regret going in this direction with conversation.  


‘’Rachel, I know. I know, trust me, and I’m sorry about that, about everything. But I just couldn’t…’’ he put his hand back on Rachel’s as she had withdrawn her hand from his as soon as the topic rose up. ‘’You know how hard it was for me to do what I did, and you think marrying me that day would’ve been the right decision, the easiest decision?’’  


She pulled her hand out of Mike’s touch.  


‘’You choosing to not go to prison was the right decision you should’ve made.’’  


Mike sighed.  


‘’Rachel…’’  


‘’No. I gave you all my love, while you were incapable of setting your priorities right. No, you know what, not priorities, because most of the time it is clear that whatever decision you are facing, Harvey will come first, not me—‘’  


‘’That’s not true—‘’  


‘’Yes, it is. But besides that, all I asked you was to believe in you, have the faith in the jury, that they will see the right thing, and you did all but that.’’  


‘’You know that’s not fair! If the verdict was guilty, it would’ve been a hell of a lot more than two years, Rachel, how can you boil this down to just two choices, the correct one and the wrong one, when you know yourself how messed up the whole thing was!’’  


Rachel suddenly stood up.  


‘’You didn’t even apologize!’’ She threw her hands up in a desperate manner and her eyes were filled with tears.  


Mike looked at her, not knowing what to really say.  


‘’You didn’t even say you are sorry. That farewell apology was all I got, and I made my peace with it, but my parents who were _just_ ready to accept you as a part of our family – they didn’t get even a word from you. Now, what am I supposed to think?’’  


Mike was sitting in silence, trying to think of the right thing to say, but he didn’t know the right thing back then and he didn’t know it right now.  


‘’I wish I could tell you that,’’ he finally said, calmly. Rachel just looked at him. He sighed again. ‘’You know I’m sorry about everything that happened. Even the best decision was far in the bad decision category. I…’’ Mike shook his head.’’ I’m sorry, Rachel.’’ He looked her in the eyes.  


She gave him a sad, cold smile.  


‘’I know you are. I wish that was enough.’’  


Mike nodded. A silence settled for a moment.  


‘’Anyway,’’ Rachel collected herself a bit.’’ I will go tomorrow to my parent’s house and spend some time there. A bit of fresh air.’’  


‘’Yes, you do that. Send some warm greetings from me for your aunt.’’  


''I will,’’ she breathed in and turned away to get something from the kitchen. Mike was looking at some spot on the floor, lost in thoughts.  


\-----  


Mike opened the stall door with force, almost falling on his knees. With couple of awkward and rushed steps he stumbled towards a sink and grabbed the edge of it. His heart was pounding like it wanted to escape his chest and his vision was all blurred. It felt like absolutely nothing was going on and at the same time everything was, and with extra contrast, extra chaos; the dullness of the world was too bright, the whiteness of the sink was too grey. Mike looked in the mirror. That wasn’t him looking back.  


He moved his hand to open the tap and something red flashed in his peripheral vision. His hands, they were all in blood, he just remembered, and he had left a red smudge on the white surface.  


Mike breathed harshly in and coughed, and then spat in the sink, trying to get the last bits of his vomit out of the mouth. Then he took the soap and started to clean himself up. It wasn’t too hard to get the blood off his palms, but it had gotten on his shirt and suit, too. Soap won’t do it, he thought, and yet his trembling hands automatically started to rub the combination of water and soap on his sleeve ends. When it didn’t work, Mike tried again, the blood really started to annoy him and just why the fuck won’t it come out, it was just blood! He rubbed furiously, even scratching his skin a bit, and then pushed his hand again under the water to get out the soap. Some of the blood got out, but the most of it still was there, and Mike hit the sink in anger with his other hand.  


‘’Fuck!’’  


He closed his eyes. The water kept running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this wasn't too boring - i didn't want to rush the things. but trust me, everything will pick up the pace. also, marvey _is_ coming, guys, but first - some angst.  
>  thank you so much for reading this!  
> cheers!


	3. call me, no, please don't

‘’Hey, did you get the subpoenas from the court? The faster we get to those drivers, the less there is chance for them to possibly hide something,’’ Harvey marched in Mike’s office and put his hands in pockets. Mike was working with a marker, all hunched over bunch of files.  


‘’Yeah, not yet. Been working on a clinic’s case,’’ he answered and didn’t even bother to look up.  


‘’Mike, you better not be prioritizing this over our case.’’  


‘’I’m not. Just finishing this up. Will go to the court a bit later.’’  


‘’I don’t think you know what the word ‘’prioritizing’’ means. Saying that you will do your number one priority later after you’ve finished other stuff shows that clearly it isn’t your number one priority.’’  


Mike still was more into his work than whatever bullshit Harvey was saying.  


‘’This will take literally an hour. After that, I will be on my way to the court. Now, instead of wasting my time on lecturing me on my priorities, why don’t you be on your way.’’ It might’ve come out a bit harsher than Mike wished, but at this moment he couldn’t bring himself care enough.  


Harvey frowned.  


‘’You know that I’m giving you a lecture because you deserve it, right? Whatever case you have from clinic, it can wait, because I’m sure they aren’t in a stress of losing a huge billion dollar company.’’  


Mike put down the marker, impatient, and finally looked up.  


‘’What the hell do you want from me, Harvey? I already told you all I need is an hour for my ‘’stupid’’, ‘’meaningless’’ clinic’s case to be done,’’ he mocked Harvey, ‘’and then I will get those subpoenas. One hour won’t make a lot of difference, but seems like you were itching to find a reason to yell at me.’’  


‘’Mike, I’m not yelling at you, and you know I’m telling you the truth,’’ Harvey frowned even more and his voice had now a handful of concern. ‘‘What the hell is going on with you?’’  


Mike looked down again and picked up the marker, this time just so he had something to fiddle in his fingers.  


‘’Nothing,’’ Mike picked up a case file and started reading something he had already read. Harvey was still standing there, his sight like a laser burning in his forehead. Mike sighed. ‘’Rachel and I had a fight last night.’’  


‘’So? Mike, you know that couples have them once in a while, right? It’s just natural, and it would be weird if you didn’t.’’  


Mike shook his head.  


‘’I know that, and we’ve had fights, but this time was different. We got to kind of the prison talk again and she just… said some things that were true and I still can’t seem to figure out what how much damage have I done by making my decisions.’’  


Harvey unbuttoned his jacket and sat down.  


‘’Still having prison talks, huh?’’ Harvey sighed and looked down like he was uncomfortable talking about this.  


‘’Yeah. It seems like no matter how good things are between us, prison will always creep its way back into our lives, our feelings, our conversations. And it’s me who made it happen. Again. No matter what I do, I manage to screw it up.’’  


Harvey looked up and his face was full of care.  


‘’Mike. Without a doubt you hurt her when you made that decision, it was your wedding, your happy day even though prison was breathing at the back of your neck, and you broke the levee yourself by choosing not to marry her so she wouldn’t just live her every day life while her husband was in prison for two years. And you can’t go back in time and with all the knowledge of how it turned out do something else – not take the deal, marry her and all. But what can you do is give her some time. Show her your love, your support and let her say her feelings out. Because she loves you, and you love her, and prison is just a wound in your relationship, not a crack that gets wider every day. So, just give it a time to heal. And you know who else needs some time?’’  


Mike looked Harvey in the eyes.  


‘’You. Just cut some slack for yourself for once, will ya? You’ve been through a lot, and life finally seems to settle for you. And you deserve every bit of peace from it,’’ he gave a small, warm smile Mike, and Mike couldn’t believe how it was all that took to already feel better.  


‘’Well, you are right, as always,’’ he skillfully spun the marker in his fingers. ‘’Rachel actually went to her parents’ this morning to visit her other relatives for couple of days.’’  


‘’Good. Take some time off from each other once in a while. It clears your mind and you come back together stronger. And you know what?’’ Harvey stood up. ‘’I’m gonna head down to the court and get those goddamn subpoenas, and then we are going to have a nice steak dinner, what do you say?’’  


Mike finally managed a cute, but still a bit sad smile.  


‘’Okay, Harvey. Thanks.’’  


‘’Don’t mention it. Actually, really - don’t mention it. I have the reputation of cold-hearted, soulless son of a bitch to maintain now as I’m the managing partner, you know.’’  


‘’Well, I’m sure you won’t have problems with that regarding others, but you ain’t gonna fool me anymore, especially after this speech.’’  


‘’Yeah? We will see who will pay for the steak in the end, since those subpoenas should’ve been on your desk yesterday—‘’  


‘’Alright, alright, Iceman, just go and let me do my work for once,’’ Mike teased, smiling, and Harvey, also having a huge grin on his face, left.  


\-----  


It was dark outside – the sky was lacking the usual bright sports of stars as the clouds had started gathering earlier in the evening, ready to rain.  


Harvey and Mike were sitting in Ray’s car, driving home from a fancy restaurant after they spent probably more time than people who are there just to eat and chat usually do, and they were having a nice, professional conversation about important stuff.  


‘’Say what you want, but you can’t replace Wolverine with anyone, the way Hugh plays him is phenomenal, and it’s the same deal as with Joker – Heath was legendary and put his signature all over the character.’’  


‘’See, so you admit that Iron Man doesn’t belong to that group?’’ Harvey was still trying to make his point. ‘’Don’t get me wrong, Downey Jr. is great, but let’s face it that it isn’t hard to play a super rich, arrogant bastard flying around and destroying things.’’  


‘’Yeah, I can _kind of_ agree with you there. Hey,’’ he hit Harvey on his shoulder, ‘’if they ever decide Iron Man needs his own series, too, you should go and try to get the role. You know, the whole rich arrogant son of a bitch thing…‘’  


‘’I’m gonna actually take that as a compliment, since you are definitely in no way less arrogant than me and just simply lack the stance and charisma that both Iron Man and I are possessing.’’  


‘’Oh, go on, I don’t mind – I’d rather be Spiderman, actually, since you don’t need to participate in global warming while flying around the city unlike your iron suit would with all that fire and heat, just pure spiderwebs.’’  


‘’Alright, Spidey, since when did you become the environmentalist? It’s not like every fight all the Avengers and their allies destroy the city they are in completely.’’  


‘’Well, you are right. Still, spiderwebs are _way_ cooler than giant and loud iron suit, and the maintenance of that thing – way too hard, ’’ Mike gave Harvey his victory look. ‘’Oh, right, Ray,’’ he suddenly remembered,’’ could you please drop me by the store? I need to buy some food on my way home.’’  


‘’Sure thing. Do you want us to wait?’’  


‘’It’s okay, it’ll be like five minute walk from there.’’  


The car stopped, Mike thanked Ray, jumped out and went to Harvey’s side. He rolled down the window.  


‘’You better not buy too much beer, I need you fresh like a daisy tomorrow morning, and right at 8 AM.’’  


‘’Oh, don’t worry about that – all those years drinking scotch with you have made me pretty much beer-resistant.’’  


Harvey smiled and nodded.  


‘’Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then, Iron Man,’’ Mike teased and patted the hood of the car.  


‘’If you want me to say what I’m thinking you want me to say – I won’t,’’ Harvey shook his head and turned towards Ray. ‘’Let’s go, Ray.’’  


He rolled up his window and Ray started driving away. Mike was left all alone.  


It was a couple of seconds spent in silence when Harvey started smiling even wider, thinking about Mike, and finally Ray heard a very soft, yet deep ‘’Farewell, Spiderman’’ coming from the back seat.  


\-----  


Mike watched smiling as the car drove away and blended with the all the other city lights in the dark. He breathed in the cold November air and turned away to go to the store – while Harvey was more or less joking, Mike was sure that beer will be one of the purchases he was going to make.  


And, just as he thought of that, his pocked buzzed.  


Mike pulled out the phone. It was Rachel.  


‘’Hey,’’ he answered and started walking.  


‘’Hey,’’ Rachel sounded much better than last night. There was a hint of smile in her tone, she probably had just finished laughing about something. Mike could easily tell that even through phone. ‘’How are you? Hope not too lonely without my blessing presence?’’  


Mike smiled.  


‘’Oh, you wish. I’m great, actually, just had a nice dinner with Harvey and now I’m heading back home. Gonna run by the store to buy some basic essentials for my survival.’’  


‘’Let me guess – beer?’’  


‘’No,’’ he paused. ‘’Yes…’’  


‘’You really think that I don’t know you even that well? It would take a week for someone living with you to come to a conclusion that you are 50 percent blood, 50 percent beer.’’  


‘’And what makes you then, 99 percent wine?’’ Mike teased back.  


‘’Yes. Something like that,’’ they both giggled. Then there was a bit of silence. A muffled music and some voices were being heard on Rachel’s end. She spoke first. ‘’Listen, Mike. I’m-- I’m sorry about yesterday. It came way harsher than it was necessary. You know, some of it still was true, but I was way out of my line.’’  


‘’That’s okay, Rach. I’m glad you got that out, and I kind of needed to hear that. Well, maybe in not specifically _that_ kind of manner, but still.’’  


‘’Yea. That’s why I think me being here for some days is going to be good for both of us. Remembering that we can also enjoy ourselves being separate for a bit.’’  


‘’I was thinking the same thing today. Glad to hear you are okay,’’ Mike was really feeling good tonight. ‘’Oh, did you send my kind regards to your British aunt? Hope this visit of hers doesn’t mean we are gonna consume more tea from now on.’’  


‘’Wow, Mike, really nice, as usual,’’ she tried to sound serious, but failed miserably. ‘’Yes, she sends back hugs. And… yeah, probably some tea as well.’’  


‘’Well, who’d have guessed!’’  


‘’Mike!’’ now she was really giggling. Some of the voices in the back became louder. ‘’Okay, I have to go now, dessert is ready to be served.’’  


‘’Then have a nice evening, Rach. Call tomorrow maybe?’’  


‘’I will try. Good night, Mike!’’  


‘’Good night,’’ and the call ended just as he had gotten to the store. He put it back in his pocket and walked in.  


Mike placed some easy-to-make stuff in his basket, then the thought of how Rachel would disapprove everything he had gathered so far came up. To get her judging image out of his head, he stopped by the fruits and vegetable stand to take some tomatoes and apples. That should do it. One vegetable cancels out one frozen pizza, right?  


As he was heading to get beer, his phone buzzed again. Bit annoyed, he pulled it out again.  


‘’Yes?’’  


‘’Michael?’’ an older woman’s voice was on the other end. Mike immediately remembered that it belonged to his neighbor, a nice, sweet lady. He had helped her carry some heavy stuff more than once. She kept calling him Michael, and for couple of times, Mike had almost called her Grammy.  


‘’Ms. Green? Is everything okay?’’ he was already feeling concerned. She hadn’t called him ever, and he gave her his phone number just so she had someone to call in case she needed help.  


‘’Not exactly, I just wanted to go out for a small night’s walk and I noticed that the door to your apartment was slightly opened and it’s all dark in there. I didn’t call the police yet, because I wasn’t sure if that’s how you left it.’’  


Mike’s heart started racing. He put down the basked right where he was standing and half-ran, half-walked out of the store.  


‘’No, I definitely didn’t leave it like that.’’  


‘’Oh, dear. I should go and call then.’’  


‘’It’s okay, Ms. Green, I will be home in 2 minutes, don’t worry.’’  


‘’Okay, Michael, just take care and remember to come to me if there is anything you need.’’  


‘’Yes, I will,’’ he was running and his mind was too busy to think of more kind words to say to the lady,’’ thank you.’’  


And he didn’t even bother to put the phone back, he just clenched it in his fist and ran.  


\-----  


Mike ran like hell and felt panic rising with every second he got closer to his home. Only about dozen meters were left to the entrance of the building and Mike rushed past a group of people chatting and laughing loudly, almost cursing out loud about them being in his way. Mike ran inside, right up to the apartment’s door, and then stopped at the view.  


The door was indeed slightly open and he couldn’t see anything behind it, only there was a piece of paper peaking through the gap as the light of the corridor were shining. Mike made the last few steps to the door and slowly opened it, trying to calm down his shaking breath and just listen.  


It was complete silence, only muffled noise coming from the street as usual. It was absolute darkness inside the room, Mike could distinguish some silhouettes of table and chairs, but that’s about it. That was really weird, because usually there was at least some light coming from the huge windows – now there was just different shades the color black.  


Mike took a small step and already his shoe met something that wasn’t just carpet, a piece of paper brushed against his foot and Mike froze once again. He looked down trying to see something, the light from the corridor faintly casting over some blank pieces of paper. Then he lifted his eyes to check around him, the same shadows of furniture were laying in the dark, but as he looked to his left to see why the window wasn’t providing at least some sort of light, he noticed something huge in front of it, like a thick, giant carpet would’ve been hung to block the light.  


Mike swallowed and suddenly felt a fresh wave of paranoia running through him. He closed the door behind him almost completely, still leaving a tiny ray of light coming from the other side, and finally reached for the light switch to turn on the lights.  


He would’ve jumped if he wasn’t so frozen from shock. As he hit the switch, two things happened at the same time. Deafening melody of electric guitar started playing and even by the first chords Mike subconsciously knew the song – House of the Rising Sun by The Animals. Music was most definitely coming from his music center and the speakers seemed to be turned on max.  


The other thing was that instead of bright, normal light, a dark blue one turned on. It was blacklight, somebody had changed the lightbulbs, Mike immediately made a note, his mind desperately searching for at least something to hold on. It enlightened the whole apartment, showing everything that was white even whiter and casting blue shadows everywhere, all together making Mike feel even more disoriented, like he wasn’t even at his home right now.  


As the singer started to sing Mike forced himself to move. The blank papers where lying all over the floor, covering every surface that wasn’t higher than knees. He went further in and got in the living room where there actually was a huge, thick piece of cloth hanging to cover the window. But, despite the fact that everything was out of ordinary, the first thing that caught Mike’s eye was a huge graffiti, written on the floor above the fireplace in a shaky handwriting using some sort of glow-in-the-blacklight paint.  


_don’t cry pretty boy_  


Mike’s breath was shaking and he felt dizzy; an organ had joined the guitar and voice mix and now the music was banging in his head like a hammer. He made a weak attempt to look where the hell was the remote controller for the music center but he didn’t see it, so his brain automatically skipped further attempts to focus on literally everything else.  


Almost all the stuff from tables was thrown on the floor, mostly it was multiple case files and documents, but Mike noticed that stuff that could’ve been broken wasn’t. The same applied to shelves – most of the things such as vases and photographs and candle holders were on the floor but nothing was shattered, it looked like someone had gently laid down on the paper-covered floor.  


Mike moved to the kitchen, almost falling over something, he didn’t bother to look what was it. All the pans and pots were lying on the floor, too, some of the food was thrown out of its usual place and the fridge was opened and unplugged. There was some graffiti there as well, an ugly, in hurry (or anger) drawn line with the same glow in the dark paint all over the cupboards, and it ended on the fridge with an arrow pointing down.  


Maybe for a moment Mike knew that it was stupid to follow some probably random and pointless instructions from a drawing, yet he still instinctively looked down under his feet. The white paper sheets were a bit fewer in the kitchen and suddenly as light changed a bit or Mike’s mind became clearer for a second he noticed that there was something written on a page he was standing on. Small letters, two lines, that’s it. He bent down to pick the paper up and now that he was closer to the ground he noticed that every page on the floor had the same text written on them – the light was just so blinding and confusing that Mike didn’t even think to look more closely earlier.  


He straightened up and held the page, eyes wide, breath rapid and hand shaking beyond normal, making it almost impossible to read.  


_one little soldier boy left all alone_  
_he joined soon his parents and then there were none_  


Mike stepped back now in full terror. The music had a loud and crazy organ solo and Mike felt like he was going mad. The paper page slipped out of his fingers and from Mike escaped a quiet, desperate sound, similar to one a dog makes when it’s in pain. Then he remembered that his right hand still was clenching his phone and as his brain was having even more and more trouble to process, his fingers unblocked it and typed ‘’911’’. Then he turned back to check the last place – the bedroom.  


He weakly stumbled into the room ready to dial as he noticed that everything was in place, except the same white pages, the same twisted nursery line on every single one of them. But the bed, even though it, like everything, looked weird in the blue-violet light, was neat and clean, it even seemed more nicely made than it usually was done by either him or Rachel and the thought that somebody had touched the same sheets their bodies had made Mike sick.  


Still, the bed, lying in the cover of death threats, was almost nothing comparing to what was written above the bed head, letters glowing.  


_don’t call. we’ll know_  


‘’What the fuck. What the FUCK!’’ Mike screamed in sudden anger, what, now they were reading his mind?  


‘’FUCK you fucking FUCKS! What is it now, you think this is a funny game? A funny joke?’’ he was screaming as loud as he could at no one over the music as the song was coming to culmination. ‘’You CAN’T know what I do so I WILL fucking call the police. You think I’m afraid of you? Hm? Do you think you will just get away with this shit? Just watch me, just fucking watch.’’ He lifted and shook his phone at the sign like there was some sort of camera and somebody was watching. Then Mike managed to stop his trembling hands enough to press the dial button and he pressed the phone to his ear.  


Those three beeps he had to wait felt like torturing eternity.  


Finally, somebody picked up.  


‘’Nine one one what’s yo—‘’and the line cut off. Mike looked at the phone in fear and confusion. Somebody was calling him, so the line got cut. Mike cursed, since when it was possible for random phone calls to stop the one he was already having; fucking operator, fucking phone, shit!  


Before he even thought of stopping himself, he had already pressed the green answer button and put to his ear.  


And there it was again. The same breathing, just this time it started immediately, all loud and harsh. And Mike felt his heart finally stop as the back music for this call was the same song that was blazing right now in Mike’s home, and, this realization made his legs almost fail at supporting his weight, it wasn’t just the same song, it was the same exact part, the same exact recording, the same exact…  


Somebody was standing behind the door.  


Mike didn’t even end the call, and moved as fast as he could towards the door, eyes on the tiny bit of light still coming from the small gap he had left when he came in. The Animals were screaming the last verse, all crazy, and Mike felt even more disoriented as before, the uv light made everything look like out of this world and finally his weak legs made a major mistake – couple of steps from the destination Mike stumbled, fell forwards and hit the left side of his forehead on a shelf.  


Mike let out some grunting noises as he was half-lying on the floor, the music sounded now different, more distorted, but definitely was still the same song, the whiteness of papers seemed even brighter, and finally he felt like vomiting is inevitable.  


He coughed deeply, but nothing came out, it just hurt his throat and lungs and as his hands, patting around the floor nervously, found Mike’s phone he dropped as he fell down, he suddenly remembered why he was running to the door in the first place.  


Mike somehow managed to get up and he opened the door widely with the last bits of strength. The corridor was empty, of course, and the normal lights made Mike to squeeze his eyes almost shut. He stepped out of his apartment, one hand holding the phone and the other was stabilizing him against the wall as he walked.  


The cold air hit him in the face and the sounds of cars beeping and people rushing in their late night affairs felt both even more confusing and refreshing at the same time. Mike pressed his back against a wall, closed his eyes for a moment and tried to calm his breathing and racing heart down before he took his phone and pressed the dial button once again.  


‘’Mike? It has been literally ten minutes since we separated. Already miss me?’’ Harvey flirted jokingly and the calmness and easiness made Mike almost cry.  


''Hey, Harvey, no, umm,’’ goddammit, he had no plan for this conversation. Also, his mind provided him with zero help. ‘’Listen, can I come to you, to your home? Like, are you home right now? Because I’d like to come then and just, it’d be nice if I could, but also if you aren’t at home yet—‘’  


‘’Are you having a stroke? Just put together one goddamn sentence.’’ Harvey didn’t have a concern in his voice, at least yet, and he sounded even a bit annoyed and also a bit amused.  


‘’Yes, umm,’’ Mike swallowed and used his last bits of strength to pull himself together for the next couple of seconds.  


‘’Can I come to your place? Let’s have a movie night or something, you know, Rachel,’’ her name made his heart jump in fear,’’ is gone after all and we could have a, a bro night, you know?’’  


‘’A bro night? Mike, are you already drunk?’’  


‘’No, no, I’m not, just, please. Can I come over?’’ This was it, this was the best he could do. Pretty pathetic.  


Harvey was really confused, Mike knew it, but when had he ever declined Mike an entrance in his home? He closed his eyes again, hoping, _begging_ for the ‘’okay’’ to come.  


‘’Of course you can come over, Mike,’’ tears escaped Mike’s eyes as he heard those words. ‘’Just absolutely no ‘’bro-ing’’ or whatever bullshit you have in your forever full-of-bullshit mind.’’  


‘’Okay, yeah, alright, ‘’Mike started walking fast with his trembling legs, which overall felt like he was gliding over the pavement, like in a dream. ‘’I will be there in five.’’ He ended the call.  


Mike walked down the street for couple of seconds and only then he understood that the only way he will be able to get to Harvey’s in five is by a cab, not his weird legs, and, again, his body already was calling for a cab before the mind could fully process the action.  


One car stopped, Mike got in and said the address. The driver looked in the mirror and frowned.  


‘’Dude,’’ even he looked concerned. ‘’You look wasted.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the third chapter, now, with 90% more marvey. what a deal!  
> just hang on tight, a lot more is coming.  
> this is also called ''this story shouldn't be longer than 3 chapters"  
> also props to all of you who have seen and recognized Fincher's The Game which is one of my favorite movies and that last scene was soooo copied from it, i'm sorry mr Fincher, i just love it too much.  
> and, of course, thank you, all of you 2.3 people who read this haha, i hope you like it!


	4. snowdrop anemone

Harvey wasn’t born yesterday – he could smell even through Mike’s voice that something was going on, but in his usual manner he didn’t want to freak out and show his concern before he had something more than Mike’s voice in distress.  


That kind of changed the second he went to open the door just as he heard Mike banging on the other end. Mike looked like he had gone to hell and came back and his sloppy, beat-down puppy look wasn’t even the most concerning part – he had a fresh, slightly bleeding wound on his forehead.  


‘’What the hell happened to you?’’ Harvey eyed Mike from head to toes and couldn’t find any part of him that didn’t look pathetic. He stepped aside to invite the boy in. ‘’All it takes is for me to leave you for couple of minutes for you to get in some sort of trouble.’’  


Mike was silent, he looked Harvey in the eyes for a second and then paced further into his apartment. He went right up to the booze stand, took a glass and poured himself two fingers. It went down his throat just as fast.  


Harvey was just watching, wearing the usual big frown of Mike-what’s-on-your-mind.  


‘’My apartment,’’ Mike finally spoke and he sounded like out of breath, drawing a bit too shallow and quick breaths for it to be normal. ‘’Somebody broke in and made a mess.’’  


‘’What?’’ Harvey wouldn’t have guessed this in forever. ‘’Did you call the police? I guess for some reason you didn’t, because otherwise you wouldn’t be here, so tell me what the hell is going on?’’  


Mike let out couple of shaky breaths, looked again at Harvey for just a moment and ran his hands through his hair.  


‘’I don’t know, Harvey, that’s what’s going on. I just went home and the door was open and… it was all just crazy, papers on the floor, graffiti on the walls, fucking loud music blasting an- and,’’ he started to really panic as he stumbled on words, pacing around the condo, ‘’all my stuff was on the floor and everything was dark and under blacklight and just as I tried to call the police I got-I got-- Somebody was outside my door and I tried to get to them and then I-I-I fell and after that they were gone and I just didn’t know what to do, Harvey, it was—‘’ he had to stop because he suddenly felt like his lungs couldn’t provide him with enough air so he shut his eyes. He needed all his focus to keep on breathing.  


Harvey approached him, put a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed Mike towards the couch.  


‘’Mike, sit down. You need to calm down,’’ Harvey used his velvet voice which had worked well on Mike before so it should work now.  


Mike covered his face with his hand and pulled into fist his other, just to keep it from shaking.  


‘’I know, I know, I know, yes,’’ he spilled out in one breath and sat down all but relaxed and still trying get his body back to functioning. Harvey looked at him in fear and then quickly went to get some water. Scotch didn’t seem the best beverage in this occasion.  


‘’Here,’’ he held the glass with fresh, cold water in front of Mike. After a moment of inspection, he took it and drank in big, messy gulps. Just as Harvey turned away to get some cloth to clean the wound, Mike managed to choke on the water and started coughing.  


‘’Whoa, easy there, tiger. Just let me get you something for that forehead, will you?’’  


Mike put down the glass and fingers brushed against his face, searching, and he winced as they found a wound on his left side of forehead. Oh, right. He had hit his head on that goddamn shelf.  


Harvey returned with a wet cloth.  


‘’Here, take this and put it on that,’’ he nodded to Mike’s head.  


Mike, also automatically inspecting the thing for a second, took the cloth and put it on the wound, slightly rubbing it just to clean off the blood. Harvey was standing in front of him, hands in pockets.  


‘’Okay, so let me get this as clear as I can – somebody broke into your home, vandalized, and when you tried to call the cops, they disturbed you?’’  


Mike took a shaky, but deep breath and tried to collect himself.  


‘’Yes. Well, kind of,’’ he put down the cloth and started playing with in, just to occupy his overworking mind. ‘’There were these glow in the dark graffiti signs on the walls, one of them threatening me that if I call, they will know, and I still called and they managed to cut off the line—‘’ Mike drifted off and then, in sudden clarity, remembered that Harvey doesn’t know the prologue of this story.  


‘’Look, Harvey,’’ he swallowed. ‘’Two days ago I got this call. I was sure at first that it was just a dumb prank call, I even told Rachel and we basically just brushed it off, because there were no signs that it was anything more than stupid teenagers having their fun.’’  


Harvey was listening carefully.  


‘’A call? What kind of call?’’  


‘’Well, a weird one. First it was just some music, that creepy Stones’ Play With Fire song, and then the caller just breathed loudly in and out all over the song. And then it all ended, and that was it. It was scary at first, yeah, but I figured that it meant nothing, just a stupid prank, that’s it. And now…’’ Mike fiddled the cloth in his fingers and shook his head slightly. ‘’The caller called me the second I reached 911 and did the whole breathing thing again over the same song that was playing in my apartment. The same exact part and all, so I knew he was right at my door.’’  


Harvey was looking somewhere next to Mike and all the cogs in his mind were turning.  


‘’Okay. But you said threats, was there anything else besides the one about warning you not to call the police?’’  


‘’Uhm, yeah,’’ Mike put the cloth back on the wound again. ‘’There like hundreds of white sheets of paper thrown on the floor, and at first I didn’t notice, but then I looked and there was…’’ He looked at Harvey, ‘’there was what I consider basically a death threat.’’  


Harvey looked back at Mike, his face all in stone, and then he turned and paced away.  


‘’Harvey, what are you doing?’’ Mike followed him with his eyes.  


‘’Mike, ‘’ Harvey finally seemed to have find what he was going after for – his phone, ‘’we need to call the police.’’  


Mike jumped up from the couch.  


‘’No!’’ he stepped closer to Harvey, ready to pull out the phone from his hands. ‘’Harvey, they _threatened_ me with death if a call is made, and they _will_ know that we did it and, goddamnit, Harvey, now that you are here with me, you are also in danger, didn’t you hear me?’’  


Harvey looked completely collected and confident.  


''Didn’t _you_ hear what you just told me? Mike, you are goddamn right that death threats should be taken seriously, that’s why I’m gonna call the police so they can find those sons of bitches so that they can’t screw with you or anyone else.’’  


Mike shook his head and tried to take the phone from Harvey.  


‘’No, just… don’t call. Harvey, you don’t know who they are, they might be spying on us right now, listening to every word we say and planning their next move—‘’  


‘’Mike!’’ Harvey showed the phone further away from Mike and stopped Mike’s reaching hand with his free hand. ‘’I said you need to calm down. Look, even if they are spying right now, that doesn’t matter, because there is not an inch in this building that isn’t being watched by security cameras. They just wouldn’t dare, and I’m not paying the money I do for the surveillance workers to do a bad job. Second, there are no other actions to act on other than calling the authorities. Or do you have any better suggestions?’’  


Mike stood still for a moment and then ran his hand over his face.  


‘’You are right. You are right, of course, again,’’ he turned away and walked towards the windows. ‘’I’m just worried what will happen, because I have no clue what the hell is going on. And now, I’ve come to you, putting you in jeopardy.’’  


‘’Well, you shouldn’t have come here then,’’ Harvey was on his phone and the words slipped out way harsher than he meant to. Mike turned back to him and just stared.  


Harvey looked up and sighed.  


‘’You know what I meant by that. You should’ve stayed at your place and called the police from the street. Then you could’ve called me and I would’ve come to meet you. At this moment, the caller is probably even further away,’’ he put the phone to his ear.  


The emergency answered and Harvey called out Mike’s address. He briefly described what’s what and the dispatcher said that the police would be in the place in couple of minutes. Mike bit his lip, his hand still clutching the damp cloth nervously.  


\-----  


The police had arrived less than a minute before Mike and Harvey did. There were two cars, their red and blue lights were igniting the street and playing games on the walls of nearby buildings.  


They both went inside where in the corridor a police officer was already waiting, while other policemen were ready to examine the scene.  


‘’Are you Mike Ross?’’ the man came forward with a pen and a notebook in his hands.  


‘’Uhm, yes. And this is Harvey Specter, he called you about the break-in.’’  


‘’Alright. So, Mr. Ross, tell me about what exactly happened here?’’  


As Mike started his story – again - Harvey stepped further in and peaked into the apartment.  


The lights were indeed in different violet and blue shades, and everything was dark, messy, and filled with paper sheets. Harvey didn’t want to ruin the scene by stepping in, so he took one of the nearest pages right next to his feet and read what was written in tiny letters.  


Hot stream of anger filled Harvey as he gripped the sheet, crumbling and tearing the sides. He looked back at Mike who was still talking to the officer and for the first time today, he really felt fear mixing up in his bloodstream.  


Harvey later invited Mike to stay the night with him. Well, he didn’t really _invite_ him, they just sort of ended up walking back to his apartment, talking and calming down their nerves for a bit. The policemen had finished their work in about two hours and they had found nothing, and by nothing meaning that not a single fingerprint or hair was left on the scene, which was bad, but also there were no cameras or bugs that were planted, therefore at least Mike wasn’t being spied on for god knows how long time.  


An argument rose when Mike and Harvey asked what to do next, what is their plan and what should Mike do – there were threats all over his place after all. Police answered that by nothing. They said that as far as they were concerned, this was just an act of vandalism and somebody playing sick joke on Mike, and they definitely will work further on this, but other than continuing the investigation, they didn’t think putting Mike under some sort of protection was necessary. There just wasn’t enough evidence. And to their eyes, the soldier boy nursery line was just what it was – a twisted, weird children’s rhyme, put there just to get to Mike’s core.  


Needless to say, Harvey was angry and Mike had to low-key calm him down.  


The police was also asking for some other clues, like who would do something like this to him, and Mike, even with putting all his mind into coming up with at least one name, couldn’t be much of a help. He thought of Trevor, again, but he was married and living a peaceful life now, and while the last time Mike saw him he was angry, Mike knew that his almost life-long friend wouldn’t be able to go this low. But there was someone indeed in this small world who hated Mike Ross with all their passion, their anger burning hot enough to do something huge, something so grotesque like this. Not just Mike himself, but also the authorities were clueless. And what’s even worse was the fact that this almost definitely wasn’t their final work. There was something else coming, either something bigger or the same essence - just to keep Mike on his toes 24/7, to keep the paranoia in the air.  


‘’Are you going to tell Rachel?’’ Harvey asked as they were slowly walking back to his place, their shoulders slightly brushing together from time to time.  


‘’She is resting. So no. Well, not right now at least. Tomorrow probably. I will try to go back and clean up, so she isn’t shocked too much.’’ Mike felt a wave of sadness coming over. They just couldn’t catch a break even when they were already catching a break, could they? Then the least he could do is to find the least damaging way to bring the news to her.  


‘’Okay,’’ Harvey nodded. ‘’But she is coming to work tomorrow, so you better be ready to deal with it whatever way you intend to.’’  


Mike sighed.  


‘’I know. Thankfully, we all have so much work to do, there will be not much time for a nice, light chit-chat.’’  


Ah, yes, the case.  


‘’Those goddamn carriers. They had one job to do, to keep the equipment untouched, and they fail miserably.’’  


‘’Well, at least all that’s left is to find out who is responsible for the stolen stuff. And I have a gut feeling that those interviews tomorrow will come in handy.’’  


‘’Yeah, but they are also going to take some time.’’  


‘’ _And_ are going to be tedious as hell, but we can split the workload between you, me and Rachel, just get our own stories straight and then blow each and one of those drivers down all together.’’  


‘’That’s the plan. But Mike,’’ Harvey looked at him, ‘’are you sure you are ready to deal with the case right now, full force?’’  


‘’What, are you suddenly concerned about my mental state?’’ Mike smirked.  


‘’Not as much as about your physical state.’’  


‘’Harvey, I will be fine. Something to put my mind into completely is exactly what I need right now. Plus, now I’m a competent, official lawyer after all, so putting aside all the personal stuff is what I do.’’  


‘’Oh, look at you, all grown up,’’ Harvey smiled.  


As the night went on, the shaky hands steadied and the troubled minds calmed down. Yet, the feeling that today was some sort of breaking point didn’t leave either of them; they didn’t really talk about it, but the sights they exchanged once in a while said it all.  


\-----  


The next morning was everything but peaceful. After having a quick coffee, Harvey and Mike were on the run to the firm as Mike had to prep him for the interviews and update Rachel on what’s what. He was sure that she had done the homework herself, but there couldn’t be any hiccups regarding the questioning and the smoother everything went, the quicker they could get to the next step, whatever that will be.  


They stepped out of Ray’s car while having a conversation about what’s on their agenda. They both were ready to enter the building when Mike suddenly stopped, vague but familiar wave of music humming in his ears.  


‘’Hey, Harvey? You go, I will catch up with you in a bit,’’ he claimed.  


Harvey also stopped.  


‘’What? We are already late, Mike, you can’t possibly have something else to do right now.’’  


‘’It’s fine, just a minute and I will be back, okay?’’ he stepped back and started pacing away. Harvey looked back at him, frowning, then shook his head and entered the building.  


Mike on the other hand had already noticed what he was searching for – the same hippy stoner guitarist, playing the same old Stones’ song yet again. This time, Mike was done with this bullshit. He went right up to the guy and with no shame entered his comfort zone.  


‘’You don’t think I know what you are doing here?’’ Mike loudly whispered, being close enough for the dude to hear him over the street noise.  


‘’What the hell, man? Like I have no idea what you’re talking about here,’’ the hippy guy looked very confused and tried to lean back from Mike.  


‘’Yeah, right, well,’’ he leaned closer, ‘’I think you do. See, you playing this song, two days in a row right when I arrive to my work, it can’t be just a weird coincidence. You can say that this is the only song you know or some other bullshit, but I won’t buy it, because I’m not particularly a believer in coincidences. So you are gonna tell me right now, what’s your deal and what do you want or I’m gonna call the cops and, well, let’s say I know a stoner when I see one.’’  


The guitarist looked a Mike completely confused and was wondering whether he was still high from yesterday.  


‘’Look, man, I don’t,’’ he mumbled, ‘’I don’t know what is going on here, okay, but there is like no need to call the cops, man. I’m just a musician, trying to save for my girl’s birthday, okay? And this song, that’s just a really cool song, I know like dozens of Stones’ masterpieces. If you want, I can play Paint It, Black, but that’s too rush for such early hour as this, man, you know? This one is just a chill song, okay?’’  


Mike looked him in the eyes. The guy sounded like he was telling the truth, but that didn’t mean anything; he was working with professional liars every day.  


‘’Okay, okay, so let’s say I believe you,’’ Mike put his hand on the wall right next to the musician’s head, hovering over him even more. ‘’You come here every day and play the same songs over and over again and I just happen to be passing you the same time as you play this exact song, right?’’  


‘’Well, yeah? I don’t know, man, just, please, leave me alone?’’ guy was getting really scared.  


Mike scoffed through his nose.  


‘’I will. Don’t worry. But if you are here tomorrow, strumming the same melody, I will know you are full of bullshit.’’  


He pushed himself of the wall and went back to the firm, without looking back. But the guy did look back at Mike, still in shock.  


‘’Rich people my ass,’’ he commented and started playing Pulp’s Common People.  


\-----  


Mike was pacing towards Harvey’s office with couple of files in his hand, ready to present his approach for the interviews. But as he got closer, it was clear that Harvey wasn’t alone in his office. And by the high tones, it was even more clear that the other person was Louis.  


‘’Louis, get it through your thick, bald, ugly head – we are not some sort of charity organization, or community college, or your yoga class center. We don’t host events like this, we are goddamn respectable law firm!’’  


‘’Okay, Harvey, I get your groove, but you know what’s just as important for such firm like ours – and yes, I said ours, which you seem to so blissfully forget – to show to the public? Our ability to care and to level down to the normal every day people.’’  


''Then do some pro bono cases, Louis, not host a goddamn blood donation hotspot without my goddamn permission!’’  


Mike entered the office, slowly and carefully, just listening behind Louis’s back. Nobody paid any attention to him.  


‘’You know what, just because you don’t care about all those sick, injured, dying people - man, women, and children - doesn’t mean everyone else is just as ignorant as you, Harvey—‘’  


‘’What did you just call me?’’  


‘’That’s right, I said ignorant, you obviously think your blood is too precious for us, peasants, well, newsflash, did you know that giving away some of it will re-new the blood flow and make you feel fresh? It’s good for your health! And who knows, maybe some kind of wizard of Oz miracle happens and all the salt and darkness from your system gets extracted with it!’’  


Mike made an amused grimace, trying hard not to make any sound.  


‘’Louis,’’ Harvey said in low and threatening tone, coming slowly closer to the smaller guy. He swallowed in stress, but didn’t step back, ‘’you want me to respect you in your decisions, trust you in co-managing this firm, and then you do some dumb shit like this that only _you_ could do? I’d rather give the position to one of your cats, because even they would be more competent and trustworthy than you with your dumb brain.’’  


Louis stood his ground. Mike was enjoying the show.  


‘’For your information, Kiri and Mikado the Second would make great managing partners, they are loyal and smart and wouldn’t ever turn down the opportunity for donating blood for those in need.’’  


‘’Cats donating blood? Louis, if only _once_ you listened to your own stupid words, then _maybe_ the world would be a better place.’’  


‘’Of course not donating blood to humans, Harvey, don’t be an idiot! If they were people, then they would, because I know their souls and they are pure givers, not like you. You probably have just liquid ice flowing through your veins anyway.’’  


‘’Well that’s not true, Louis,’’ Mike finally spoke, ‘’pretty sure liquid ice is not a thing. It’s called water.’’  


‘’Nobody likes a know-it-all, Mike, I’m sure I’m not the first and I’m definitely not the last person to say this to you,’’ Louis snapped at him and then turned back to Harvey.  


‘’It’s done, Harvey, the blood center is coming tomorrow here whether you like it or not. You either come or not, but trust me when I say how good this is for you.’’  


‘’Louis, you say one word again about donating something, and I will kick your ass out of here with no hesitation.’’  


Louis opened his mouth and then closed, weighing the odds, and then turned on his heel and glided out of Harvey’s office. Mike looked back at him, smiling and then turned to Harvey.  


''I see Louis is back in his element,’’ he commented, remembering Louis’s problems with Tara.  


‘’When _isn’t_ he in his element, which is the element of pathetic? Wish there was a turn-off button for that, so you could just shut him down and then turn on only when some financial advice is needed or if for some reason you need cat advice.’’  


‘’Don’t go that hard on him, he really means well. Actually, donating blood isn’t that bad of idea.’’  


Harvey looked at Mike in disgust.  


‘’Are you kidding me? What, you are now on his side?’’  


‘’I’m not on his side, being on his side means danger and instability in every matter there is. I’m just saying that this isn’t that bad and might actually work well on our public image.’’  


Harvey shook his head and turned back to sit at his desk.  


‘’Anyway, what do you have for me?’’  


Mike stepped forward and handed him the case files.  


‘’Everything we need for the interviews to go smooth. Right after you affirm this, gonna go to Rachel.’’  


Harvey scanned the documents and then nodded.  


‘’Looks good. Let’s meet after everything has ended and figure out our next step.’’  


Mike also nodded, picked up the files and left.  


\-----  


The rest of the day went in tireless work, talking to the drivers about whether they noticed something weird going on at the back of their trucks or whether they were the actual robbers. Overall 7 truck drivers showed up, not all of them were delivering the CMO’s equipment, but all of them were involved in the caravan, so Harvey, Mike, and Rachel interviewed every single one of the drivers by full program.  


And despite the hopeful premises, nothing came out. The guys were all clueless about the robbery, they were just doing their job and following orders told them through radio transceivers. Orders, made by John Trinsky, who had already came out more or less clean the day before that day. So, after meeting with Rachel and Mike, Harvey together with them came to a conclusion that they are not sure where to go next. Rachel left first, picking up the files and saying that she will try to figure this out at home, maybe ask some advice to some professor she claimed being good at both contract and criminal law.  


Mike and Harvey on the other hand stayed the rest of the day in Harvey’s office, brainstorming and burying themselves into cases and other papers. Only when the clock said that it was already past midnight they decided to go home and continue tomorrow fresh. Once again Mike spent the night at Harvey’s, completely forgotten about how he intended to go and clean up his apartment. Work had gotten him in its grasp and Mike swore to himself to find some time to clean all that mess up before Rachel comes back.  


The next morning wasn’t any different than the day before, in fact, it was even worse. Being so into the work, both Mike and Harvey had forgotten about the blood center thing Louis had invited for this one day for people to come from street and offices to give something theirs to those who don’t have enough. So the second they both entered the building, there were already more people than there usually was, even though it was just 8 in the morning. And there were definitely more to come as the city woke up.  


‘’Who would’ve known, so many people urging to lay down for god knows how long just to feel good about themselves later,’’ Harvey scanned the crowds as they walked past the spot.  


‘’While they really do feel good about themselves, I see nothing wrong with this. Maybe the execution by Louis wasn’t the greatest, but imagine how many people will be helped, maybe even saved today thanks to this.’’  


‘’Are you thinking about coming down here?’’ Harvey asked, with no mockery.  


‘’I don’t know, I will definitely try though. But we have so much work to do, not sure that I will find enough time to stand in the line and all. And you?’’  


Harvey went silent for a moment.  


‘’Yeah, why not. I have enough awesomeness in my blood to share it with those who don’t.’’  


‘’Aw, look at you, so caring and soft and not narcissistic at all.’’ Mike teased as he pressed the button to call the elevator. With a ding the doors opened and they stepped inside.  


‘’Well, what can I say, I’m a giver.’’  


‘’Yeah, you give people the reason to leave every room you are present—‘’ and the doors closed.  


\-----  


Mike was sitting in a conference room in, case files and boxes lying on the huge table in some sort of order only Mike himself knew and understood. His tie was loose and hair messy, and his hand worked fast writing down and underlining stuff he found being worthy enough. It was already middle of the day and the only time he had gotten off the chair was to go to the toilet and bring himself coffee and couple of doughnuts. He hadn’t seen Harvey since the very morning where he had to do some other stuff that required Ray driving him somewhere, but he had to be already back at firm as a short message, sent to Mike, told, and Rachel also was at her office all day as she indicated that she had just as much work to do as Mike.  


Rachel. She crossed Mike’s mind even more and more, because tomorrow she was coming back and they were about to have the weirdest conversation they’ve ever had, and Mike had no idea how to conduct something like this. ‘’Hey, Rach, listen, there were these guys, um, guy? No, probably guys, in our home and they didn’t steal anything but you know, just ruined our walls and we have so many paper sheets now, you couldn’t believe blablabla’’. Mike played the same scenario over and over in his head and still couldn’t come up with correct words – what a surprise. And especially now as their wedding was at one hand reach and all the planning was blooming and everything seemed to be finally good for them, the least they needed right now was to deal with shit like this.  


And this was all but pleasant work, and while Mike didn’t complain too much (because he was just good at this), he silently wished that Harvey’s office came also with the ability to throw off some of the workload to some fresh associates, so that they are the ones that have to dig into the file room and rot in the library, not him.  


Mike took a bite out of chocolate covered doughnut. This was his last. Soon he will be forced to go and get another one.  


The door opened with a force, some of the papers moved. Mike looked at who it was.  


‘’A bit more gently next time, okay? I have an order to maintain here,’’ he grunted at Harvey. He was, in fact, eating a doughnut.  


‘’Don’t pout, I came here to help you. What you got?’’  


Mike turned back to his work.  


‘’Nothing much. I was thinking about the idea of interviewing Trinsky again, but, like we yesterday said, it will just break him into tears or something, so not a good idea, at least not a productive one.’’  


‘’Yeah, well, we have to work with what we got. If that guy was responsible for all those drivers, the he must be the key. There hast to be someone around that firm who has at least some sort of knowledge about what happened. You can’t steal such amounts of tech and not get noticed by anyone.’’  


‘’That’s what bugs me, too. Nobody has seen anything, and nobody can tell us anything. Feels like we are missing something important.’’  


The paper sheets moved again because of the wind created by opened doors. Neither Harvey or Mike looked back.  


‘’Rachel, please tell us you have something solid,’’ Mike begged, still hovering over the files.  


There was a silence and instead of someone answering, a sound of closing blinds made Harvey and Mike turn around. And then freeze.  


At the doorway couple of meters from them were standing two people dressed in black, unrevealing clothes, back of their heads was covered by some sort of ski mask, so it was hard to tell anything about them, even their hair length or color. The two most disturbing things though had to be that one of the men, who was standing a bit closer to Mike and Harvey, was wearing a creepy mask with Mike’s face on it, and the other one, standing a bit closer to the door, had Jessica hiding his real identity. The second most disturbing thing was that they each were holding a gun, pointed towards the two lawyers.  


Instinctively, Harvey and Mike put up their hands. Mike’s mind went completely blank. He turned his head to left where Harvey was all wide-eyes inspecting the situation, his face made out of stone.  


‘’What do you want?’’ Mike was first to break the silence, his voice steady and eyes locked on, ironically, himself.  


The pair in front of him didn’t show any signs that they actually heard Mike. They were just standing still, but relaxed, Jessica’s mask pointing the gun at Harvey, Mike’s – at Mike himself.  


A silence settled. Mike looked around, as far as he could without moving. The men were prepared – they had closed the blinds, so no one could peak through the glass walls, and their own bodies were covering the glass door – without the guns it probably seemed like nothing special was going on for a person walking past the conference room.  


Mike sighted the two men again, now with more attention to detail. Jessica’s impersonator was a bit taller than Mike’s, also a bit thinner. He was wearing black gloves and the weapon – nine milimeter Glock, Mike guessed – wasn’t shaking even a bit in his hands. He was determined, and Mike didn’t know what was worse, looking at a confident killer or one that is scared to death himself.  


‘’How did you get in here? The guards and security cameras had to see you sons of bitches,’’ Mike’s thoughts got interfered by Harvey, voice strong and professional. ‘’There is no way a cop isn’t right on your asses right at this moment.’’  


The gunmen didn’t answer, again. It felt like time was frozen.  


Mike looked at the other one, the one with his face. He was smaller, but looked more buffed than the first one. He also was a bit more leaned forward, implementing that he was even more confident and ready to shoot than the other. Mike breathed in and out. In and out.  


‘’This is not productive. If you have come with guns, you need to say your demands. Otherwise, there is no point,’’ Mike tried again, but he wasn’t surprised anymore when there was absolutely no reaction from either of them. Mike felt like he was suddenly thrown in some sort of parallel universe; this was way too bizarre, way too fucked up to be reality. Men holding guns against other men was just another Hollywood fantasy.  


It probably wasn’t the best thing to do, but yet again Mike’s body acted without complete consultation with his brain. Mike decided to move a bit closer to Harvey, maybe to seek some closeness, maybe to be ready in case another Hollywood cliché trope was to happen and he had to jump in slow motion in front of a bullet. Wait, Mike’s consciousness wondered. Would he really be able to do that? Get himself shot for Harvey?  


Mike looked at his friend again. The answer was clear.  


Slowly, he moved his left leg to his side and slid a couple of inches closer to Harvey. Finally, that was something that didn’t go unnoticed. Mike’s mask took a small, but quick step closer and pointed gun right at Mike’s face.  


‘’Mike,’’ Harvey breathed, his eyes locked now not on the gun pointed at him, but at the one which was less than 3 feet away from Mike. ‘’Stop. Don’t move. Don’t be an idiot, at least now.’’  


Mike swallowed and froze, looking right at the black, deadly hole in front of him. One thing was now clear – the masks were waiting for something to happen.  


Time was running, or crawling, it was hard to tell because everything right now was a mess. Something ordinary had clashed with something that should never happen, and both of the worlds were now mixing together, doing the impossible. Impossible – yeah, that was the correct word for this.  


Mike’s mask moved a bit. It was a slight shift, and yet Mike’s bright eyes could tell – the man was impatient. And then something happened.  


‘’Just wait.’’  


Jessica’s mask suddenly spoke, the voice deep. It was over before Mike could grasp it, but something in his mind clicked. He looked at Harvey. He was looking back, having the same thought in mind.  


‘’John Trinsky?’’ Mike asked. The man didn’t move. Neither did the other one. It was all like nothing had just happened, and while at first Mike was almost sure that he recognized the voice correctly, he wasn’t so sure right now.  


Somebody knocked on the door.  


Mike couldn’t see a lot, only that it was another man, wearing some sort of mask, so the hope for help faded as fast as it showed up. Jessica’s mask, the one who was mostly covering the door, moved to his left and let the third man inside.  


Mike felt like dying. He wanted to scream, but shock suddenly took the best of him.  


The other man, wearing Harvey’s mask and also holding a gun, was dragging in Rachel. Her face was full of terror and she looked around, first to see the other two gunmen, and then to notice Mike and Harvey.  


‘’Rachel!’’ Mike half screamed, half whispered, damning his own voice for failing. Mike’s mask moved even closer to him, gun threatening Mike even more in his peripheral vision, but he couldn’t be bothered by it. Rachel. Rachel was here.  


‘’Mike…’’ she screamed in panic, crying, and Harvey’s mask pushed her further in the room, making her almost fall. She looked again at Harvey, who was somewhat frozen, eyes wide going from Mike to her and from her to the men in black, trying to understand everything that was happening - he couldn't move because there still was a determined gunman pointing the barrel right in Harvey's face,- and then at Mike, whose hands were reaching for her. She stepped closer to him, but not close enough for them to touch, and then turned around to face the three gunmen, wearing the faces of her friends.  


For a moment that seemed like an eternity, there was nothing. And then everything happened too fast.  


Mike’s mask suddenly stepped two small steps forward and pointed the gun.  


‘’Frank Gallo sends his regards,’’ a woman spoke.  


Loud, deafening noise filled the room and Mike instinctively covered his ears with palms, but it was too late, the ringing was already there. He breathed in and forgot to blink.  


Rachel stumbled back, for a second it was all okay. Then, she fell.  


Mike breathed out a desperate, loud breath and his hands caught her from behind. She let out pained, quiet scream.  


‘’Rachel? Oh god, Rachel,’’ Mike slid down on the floor, pulling her upper body in his lap and brushing the hair away from her face with his free hand.  


The gunmen didn’t hesitate, they left in hurry, and after a moment there was no one besides the three lawyers.  


Rachel started gagging, the red spot on her chest expanding fast. She looked at Mike like she wanted to say something.  


‘’Shh, shh, it’s okay, don’t talk, the doctors will be here soon, don’t talk, just look, just look at me,’’ Mike breathed calmly, one of his hands stroking her hair rapidly, the other was trying to stop the red spot from growing. There were twelve blood drops on her face, Mike’s mind automatically counted, ten of them on her cheek, two on the forehead. Tiny sweat tears aligned on her forehead. Her deep, dark eyes were wet and shiny. She coughed.  


‘’Don’t, it’s okay. Trust me, we will be okay. They will patch you up, you hear me? They will make you well again and we will go home and talk about the wedding, you know? Remember the white flowers that grow in forests in May? You wanted those because roses are lame, right? We will get them, we will find hundreds of them and we will put them all around the church. And then, I will make you a flower crown,’’ Mike smiled and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. She was looking him in the eyes, still.  


‘’And after that, when we get married,’’ he had to stop. His smile crooked on his face and an ugly, deep cry came out. Tears started streaming down his face. ‘’After we get married, we are gonna have kids, one boy, one girl, and we will take them to the nearest forest,’’ he stopped again, ‘’we are gonna take them, and walk them around in the spring and show them where the flowers grow. And you are gonna tell them our story, how much you hated roses. And about that flower crown. And the day you became my wife.’’  


Mike couldn’t talk anymore. He let out horrifying, heartbreaking scream, and hovered over Rachel, protecting her.  


Harvey was sitting on the floor, his back pressed against the side wall. He was watching in complete shock how his Mike, his sweet, sweet Mike, was cradling in his lap his already dead fiancé.


	5. how to die without dying

\--  
HARVEY  
\--  


‘’So after all that, what really happened?’’  


Harvey was sitting on the same couch in the familiar, cozy apartment. Dr. Agard was sitting in front of him, her legs crossed, and was listening carefully to every word that he managed to gather in his brain and get out of his lips.  


‘’I don’t…’’ Harvey swallowed and shook his head. Right now was the most uncomfortable he has ever felt. ‘’They got arrested, of course. You can’t exactly run around the firm holding a gun. The investigation is going full speed now. One of them indeed was that bastard Trinsky, son of a bitch lost his wife and now he thought that assisting a murder will get him his revenge on the world. The other one, the one who came in later,’’ he intentionally left out Rachel, ‘’he was the lawyer, Jackson. Don’t know his motive but, frankly, I don’t care. And the third one, the shooter,’’ Harvey stopped for a second to collect himself, ‘’she was the first TR Logistics representative that got interviewed in our firm, Olivia Bayley. Or, in other words, Frank Gallo’s girlfriend.’’  


‘’Any ideas why you? Why now?’’  


Harvey breathed in. This was getting harder and harder with every second.  


‘’What does it matter now? I just need you to give me something… I just need you to do your job, not ask me questions about the case, is that too much to ask, goddammit?’’  


Dr. Agard sat back in the couch a bit, ignoring the ‘’give me something’’ part.  


‘’I think it matters now a lot. I asked you what happened after the incident, and you went straight on telling me the details about the what’s, who’s and why’s of the case. Now I’m asking you to continue, since this is the path _you_ wanted to take.’’  


Harvey shook his head again, annoyed.  


‘’Well, what else did you want me to tell you?’’  


‘’I didn’t expect you to tell anything specific at all. That’s why I’m encouraging you to go on. Tell me, why did Olivia show up now, after all these years when you had put Gallo behind the bars?’’  


‘’Because Gallo’s dead,’’ Harvey spat out and then went silent, again.  


Dr. Agard waited.  


‘’After what he had done, I threatened him by giving him two choices. He either could go back to the higher security prison where the life for him would definitely end since he was an informant, or he could stay in Danbury, after spending some time in solitary. And I goddamn made sure that he spent a lot of time in there. But when he came out of it, he had gone crazy – even more than before – just full-on rage. And he got in a fight with someone, and that someone finally put a blade in that bastard’s stomach. He died a bit later in the infirmary.’’  


‘’And you think Olivia connected the dots and made you the responsible one her boyfriend’s death?’’  


‘’Yes. Probably. What else can I think?’’ Harvey gestured with his hands. ‘’She didn’t really hide from me the fact that she is somehow related to him.’’  


‘’Why do you think she didn’t go to the man’s family who actually killed Gallo and threatened them? After all, _he_ was the one who knifed him.’’  


Harvey got really impatient.  


‘’I don’t know, okay? How am I supposed to know what that woman thinks? Why don’t you go and ask her, instead of questioning me now with all this bullshit?’’  


‘’Harvey, I’m asking you because I think you know why. You are deliberately avoiding one name in this conversation and I know you are going to lie and avoid it further. So I’m asking all these questions. And waiting when you will have no other choice than talk about it.’’  


Harvey looked at her, angry and desperate. At this moment he strongly considered just getting up and walking out of the session, but he had made a decision that he needs to be here, he needs to sort this out, because if he walks out the door, he might never come back and nothing will be alright after that.  


‘’I don’t know where he is,’’ Harvey sounded beaten down and the words came out just as insecure and tiny as he was feeling at the moment.  


‘’You don’t know where is _who _?’’ Dr . Agard continued pushing where it hurts. Harvey started to get annoyed again.  
__

____

‘’Mike Ross. I don’t know where he is, haven’t seen him after the funeral. His phone is off, he is not at his apartment, nobody knows anything,’’ he looked at the ground, all uncomfortable.  


‘’And how many days it is? Since the funeral?’’  


‘’If you count in today, then two,’’ Harvey bit his lip. ‘’He… he went to the firm the yesterday, apparently woke up early right after he had said his goodbye to Rachel, and left a note at Donna’s desk saying he will be away for a while. Nobody saw him, he was there for a moment and the next – he was gone. I don’t…’’ Harvey stopped and slightly punched the couch with his hand, ‘’I wanted him to come to me and talk, I’d have been there for him, and I needed him to be there with me, too, but he just left, and I don’t know what to do.’’  


Harvey felt something sitting in his throat. Dr. Agard uncrossed her legs and took a more welcoming pose.  


‘’This is good, Harvey, ‘’she simply said.  


Harvey looked at her in confusion.  


‘’How anything I just told you means good? Did you even listen to what I said?’’  


‘’I did. And you told me something very important about yourself. Harvey,‘’ she leaned forward, ‘’once it took us many sessions before we could get to your problem. Right now, we are already there. And you mentioned how you were ready to deal with it, to tackle it to the ground, by being there for Mike. Encouraging someone to open up and talk about their struggles, it’s a huge development for you. And a healthy one,’’ Harvey started to shake his head again, now looking angry. ‘’And saying that you also need Mike to—‘’  


‘’Goddammit, what does it matter what I feel?’’ Harvey interrupted, loudly. Dr. Agard looked him in the eyes. ‘’I was talking about Mike missing and running away from everything after he watched how his fiancé bleeds to death in matter of seconds, and is now all alone somewhere doing god knows what! So forgive me if I stop you from praising me over some bullshit that never happened, because it didn’t, and everything is still shit.’’  


Dr. Agard leaned back and relaxed. A silence settled for a moment.  


‘’Harvey, do you know why did you come to me?’’ she asked.  


Harvey looked at her. This was not the question he was expecting his therapist to ask.  


‘’I will answer for you to that, ‘’she continued. ‘’You came here to seek the answer to one question – what should you do now? Your friend is suffering a tragic loss, shutting himself off this world, probably searching for the reasons, trying to make some sense out of everything. And then there’s you, who had to watch how one of your closest people in the world experience his future wife getting shot and then dying in his arms. You were there, spectating, all in shock, with nothing to do to help. You felt powerless. And after the immobility shock passed, you still found yourself being powerless, because Mike who needed help wasn’t there to receive it or even ask for it. Now, I can’t tell you what is going on in Mike’s mind, where is he right now, what is he doing, or when he will come back. What can I do is answer to your question. Give it time.’’  


Harvey rolled his eyes and snorted mockingly.  


‘’That’s all you got? Give some time? Pretty pathetic, don’t you think?’’  


‘’Let me finish, Harvey. Trust me when I say that I know this sounds cliché and just an immature, pathetic reach for an answer to your problems. But you have to listen. Giving it some time doesn’t mean sitting, doing nothing. I want you to do whatever makes _you_ feel better. Even though it doesn’t feel like an option. Go to work, talk to your partners about taking some time off. Or just continue working. Communicate with people, and then take some nights off just for yourself. And I want you to come see me once a week. While we have made a huge progress today, it’s just scratching the surface.’’  


Harvey looked at her, disappointment still all over his face.  


‘’So that’s it? You want me to continue living my life like nothing just happened?’’  


‘’No. I want you to acknowledge what has happened, deal with it through action, and take care of yourself. Because that’s all you can do now.’’  


‘’And to hell what happens with Mike.’’  


‘’Harvey, you need to understand that I’m not a magician. I can’t find him, bring him here and then work with his issues. I will be opened to that the second he appears, searching for help, but I can’t do that now. So I’m doing what I can, because I’m here with you, working with your problems, not Mike’s. I’m telling you what _you_ should do. What’s in your hands. And it’s not Mike Ross.’’  


Harvey looked like he was going to cry.  


‘’And what if I can’t do that? I just can’t walk around acting like I’m good.’’  


‘’And yet that’s all you got. Harvey, consider this,’’ she tried another tactic, seeing that clearly Mike was not detachable from Harvey’s well-being. ‘’Mike is just taking a break for himself. Being away from everything that reminds him of her. It’s not the healthiest way to deal with it, but if it feels like he needs to do that at this moment, so be it. Trust him when he says he will come back. He is grieving. And we all deal with grief the way our heart tells us.’’  


Harvey bit his lip again, looking away, trying to dry his eyes. Now that he thought, he remembered that running away was actually very Mike thing to do. Harvey had seen Mike grieving, and it was raw, violent and extreme, he had to sink to the rock bottom to boost himself right up to the top as soon as his feet touched the lowest point. So maybe he actually was just going as far as he could from New York, from the ghost of Rachel possessing every step she made, and he was on a road trip, occupying his mind with all but what he just left behind his back.  


‘’And when he comes back? What should I do then?’’  


‘’Then do what you just told me you wanted to do in the first place. Show him you have his back, yet don’t crowd him with too much attention. Maybe ask him to consider therapy. I’d be happy to help him, although it really doesn’t matter if it’s me or anyone else. As long as he wants to deal with it.’’  


Harvey ran his hand over his face. Then he got up from the couch, buttoned his jacket and started to slowly walk towards the door like a beat-down soldier.  


‘’Call me if you need an emergency session. If something changes, ‘’ Dr. Agard spoke to his back. ‘’If not, then I will see you next week.’’  


Harvey stood still for a moment, and then walked out.  


\-----  


Early in the next morning, just as the sun had shown its face between the silhouettes of skyscrapers, Harvey called Mike again. For every beep he had this silly hope that just one blink of an eye more, just a tiny second, and Mike will pick the phone up. But it didn’t happen, and it went yet again to a voice mail. ‘’This is Mike Ross. Unfortunately, I can’t answer now, so feel free to leave your message.’’ That’s all Harvey got. That’s all of the voice of Mike Ross he was getting.  


After a quick breakfast he decided to go to for a run through the Central park. It was cold as hell, Harvey’s lungs were burning, but as usual it made him feel fresh and enjoy the normality every day people were living by walking their dogs or playing with their kids. A weird blissfulness in the jungle of New York. Then, he figured that he still had too much energy, maybe it was the adrenalin talking, and he went to the gym for some good boxing match. Harvey spent there two hours, all drenched in sweat, punching the bag with all his strength while imagining it was actually a certain person.  


After that, it became clear to him that even these efforts weren’t good enough to get Mike out of his head.  


Harvey went to the firm when it was already 11 am.  


Despite his usual convincing winner’s stance, people were still throwing different kinds of looks at him. Most of them tried to do it carefully, some of them didn’t think it was necessary, but Harvey noticed every single one of them. He felt relieved when he reached his own office.  


Harvey opened his computer and started checking out emails.  


‘’Harvey, what are you doing here?’’  


Harvey decided to not give her the pleasure of him looking at her.  


‘’Donna, this might surprise you, but I’m actually working here. You know, lawyer, firm, managing partner, ring any bell?’’  


Donna stepped inside his office. Harvey grinded his teeth.  


‘’I mean why aren’t you at home, taking a break? Louis might be a mess from time to time, but we are a team, and we are actually managing everything quite well at the moment.’’  


‘’Good for you. And, like I said, I’m working. Or at least I’m trying to.’’  


‘’Harvey, I’m just—‘’  


‘’Goddammit, Donna!’’ Harvey finally couldn’t take it and he pushed himself away from the desk, looking at her. ‘’I’m doing my work here, because that’s what I need right now, and trust me when I say that you trying to lecture me again on matters that don’t concern you is definitely not helping me.’’  


‘’You need to understand, Harvey, that I’m just saying this because—‘’  


‘’Because what, Donna? Because you are _worried_ about me? Because you, as usual, know what’s _best_ for me?’’  


‘’Yes, Harvey, because we are _all_ worried about you!’’ she threw her hands in desperate manner. ‘’We all are worried about you and Mike, and what I’m afraid the most is you burying yet another thing that you should be taking care of and deal with! Louis actually said to me that you can take as long break as you need, we are doing good here, Harvey, you are not alone, and while we can’t wait for you to come back, we also want to be sure that you are actually _ready_ to come back. Not forcing yourself into the oblivion that long hours of work provide you with.’’  


Harvey looked at her for another minute and then went back to work.  


‘’Well, for once, you can relax. I know what I am doing. Also, leaving Louis behind the wheel for too long is really not a good idea. I need to be there, because his whole blood donation thing? It did not do enough for our public image to strike through the sky, and shooting doesn’t exactly make us look desirable. So, let me do my work and prove that we are the best through our _quality _of work. Which I can do _by working_.’’  
__

____

Donna was still standing in front of his desk, shaking head, her face full of empathy.  


‘’Okay, Harvey. You do that. If you feel like this is what you really need now. But remember, we are here for you whenever you need something. No matter what.’’  


Harvey bit his cheeks and looked over his laptop, somewhere next to Donna.  


‘’Yeah, I know. Thanks.’’  


She gave him a small, comforting smile, and left him alone.  


\-----  


Harvey definitely wouldn’t call himself a take-a-little-walk-to-clear-your-mind type of guy. Once you reach a certain level in life, certain level of rich, you have scotch for that, or XO cognac paired with a Cuban cigar, or expensive-ass wine, made out of some sacred French grapes, squeezed through the fingers of virgin ladies. Or some other bullshit people living the life Harvey was would buy just because they could.  


Well, this wasn’t the night Harvey was sitting at his home, drenching his liver in some top notch scotch. He was indeed having a walk around Manhattan, looking at people doing their evening stuff, just like he had done during his run, only now it was much easier. The amount of detail was bigger. And details always matter.  


He also tried to convince himself that he wandered right to Mike’s apartment just by accident.  


Harvey stopped and eyed the place down from the street.  


The windows were all still covered, not a single ray of light was coming out. Just a dark spot, throwing off nothing like it used to - a warm, friendly household of even warmer and more friendly people, sitting by the fireplace, cuddling under a blanket and talking. Now, it felt dead.  


And together with this realization, Harvey also checked another depressing point in his mind – Mike still wasn’t home.  


A sudden noise startled Harvey and his heart jumped more than the rest of his body. With loud drumming in his ears, eyes wide open and mind racing, he looked around for the source of the sound. It was a grocery bag, filled with bottles or god knows what else, and a woman almost next to him had just dropped it and now desperately tried to gather what had survived in her shoulder bag. Harvey looked away, again inspecting the dark curtains covering Mike’s windows, just in case some miracle happens.  


‘’Seriously? Turning away? God, what kind of man are you,’’ a woman spoke. Harvey turned around.  


‘’Excuse me?’’ he frowned. The grocery woman was looking at him in disgust.  


‘’I asked you if you could help me, not just stare and enjoy the view and then turn away just like that,’’ she gestured around the mess she had just made. Harvey had no idea what she was talking about. He hadn’t heard anything.  


His phone buzzed at the exact moment. Harvey pulled it out.  


It was Holly Burnes, the detective.  


‘’I have to go,’’ he simply said. The woman looked at him in shock, then laughed in disbelief and continued to pick up her booze.  


‘’Holly? Calling this late, you better have some news,’’ Harvey answered as he walked away from that woman and the ghost of Mike’s home.  


‘’Actually, yes. We have almost finished the investigation and some disturbing facts came up. Would you be able to come up to the office so that we could talk a bit more, more privately?’’  


‘’Yes,’’ Harvey started pacing, looking for a cab. ‘’I will be there in half an hour.’’  


\-----  


It was really late, almost one in the morning, and Harvey was still up, all hunched over couple of files and, as usual, a glass of amber-colored drink was on his right next to all the documents. He might have gone to sleep right after he got home from the police, but the news he got there were too big, too good to let them sit in the air till the morning.  


Harvey was finishing up the last of the drafts and the statement then will be done. Turns out, the masked trio was not just cold-blooded psychopaths, lost in some sort of revenge or looking for sick ways to get their adrenalin rush through their veins. They were also stealing expensive stuff. Stuff like CMO’s medical equipment.  


Holly had gotten out of them what basically was a crime committed for simply the lust for money. Olivia Bayley was the great coordinator of the operation, apparently having some sort of itch just like his boyfriend did, to commit different kinds of fucked up crimes, Trinsky just was fed up with his life, so he basically signed up for everything that was dangerous. Losing his significant other had really screwed his brain. Regarding the lawyer, Jackson, he was just there for the money, with no bad blood towards anything or anyone. Just for the sick, twisted fun.  


They managed to sell the goods quickly, separating them in smaller parts and spreading across the country so they don’t get caught. To those drivers who saw someone sneaking around their trucks or heard some noises where they shouldn’t be, the criminals offered pretty impressive sum. Not all men can be bought with money but all men can be bought with big enough money.  


Harvey finished his drink in one gulp and set down his glass with the full draft in front of him. Finally the stupid case which got more complicated than it should have was finished. All that was left was some negotiations with CMO and Logistics, but since there was nothing the latter one hadn’t screwed up, Harvey was positive that the money CMO lost from their damaged project will come back with even surplus.  


Harvey laid back in the couch and looked up to the ceiling. Besides the merits, the taste of winning felt spoiled. He closed his eyes.  


\--  
MIKE  
\--  


The funeral was okay. There aren’t really better adjectives to describe a ceremony where you see a person for the last time in your life.  


Many people had gathered, starting with the closest ones Rachel had – her parents, aunts and uncles, also many nieces – Mike didn’t even know she had such a big family. Maybe she just didn’t want to mention that to him. It was stupid, Mike thought. He’d have loved to hear her talking about the people she loves.  


Then there were people from the firm, Katrina in a plain, black dress, looking like her soul has been taken away, Donna with her eyes cried out red, Harvey looking doomed, and Louis wasn’t even trying to contain himself. Different associates, colleagues Mike also didn’t know names of - they probably were Rachel’s friends or just came to say goodbye to a person who might’ve just smiled at them or helped them once or twice.  


And then there were bunch of people Mike had no idea about, and he could just make deducted guesses. All of the unknown people were standing in separate groups, so Mike figured out they were Rachel’s school friends. One of the groups must have been from Columbia, the others – most probably her high school buddies. She really did have a lot of people who cared about her.  


Some people said some speeches, Mike didn’t really listen. Then everybody came to say last words to Rachel as she was lying in the coffin, pale and almost as beautiful as always. Mike looked at her, stroked her cheek, and all he could see was those twelve blood drips on her face.  


Later that day he went back to their apartment. It was just as big of a mess as the police had left it and Mike didn’t get the time to come there to clean up. Now, he had bought many different boxes, and he started with cleaning up the floor.  


It took a bit more than hour to get all the papers and get them in the smallest of boxes. Mike saw the death threats hundreds of times as he picked up the sheets of paper piece by piece, but nothing scared him anymore, especially comparing to the other night. It didn’t matter anymore.  


When the floor was cleaned up and the apartment started to look a bit more familiar, Mike picked up the bigger boxes and started to put his stuff in them. Photos, vases, books, artwork – everything, starting from the living room, then going through kitchen and getting all the pans and pots, and then to the bedroom, where there was nothing much besides some books and case files. Mike also cleaned out the closet, he took out both his and Rachel’s clothes – her stuff he will donate to the church.  


After couple of hours, he was done. The apartment was empty and it would’ve felt like a welcoming place for new people, but thanks to the graffiti and the dark drapes covering the only natural source of light the apartment was all but homey. But some brushes of white paint and a pair of strong hands to get the huge curtains off the windows and it was probably as good as new. Mike just didn’t care right now about that.  


He carried the paper boxes and other trash to the closest trash cans. Then he called some local church charity organization and after some time they arrived with a mini wan and picked up Rachel’s stuff and some of Mike’s things he felt he didn’t needed. The people didn’t ask any questions, Mike liked that. They were just simply polite and thankful, and wished Mike a good day. When they left, Mike was left all alone with 3 big boxes, filled with his stuff. He left them by the door of his condo, locked it, and went to the nearest train station.  


\-----  


‘’Hey, um… I haven’t seen you in a long time. I’m sorry.’’  


The sun was setting and Mike was standing and looking at a grave. There were some flowers growing on it, since he didn’t want to put on it the ones that just bloom and then die. What they were called, Mike didn’t know, he just knew he picked the most beautiful ones from a nice, old lady who was selling them near the cemetery and was very thankful for the purchase.  


‘’Hey, Grammy?’’ Mike swallowed and internally cursed for his tears already coming up. ‘’Something bad happened.’’  


He shut his eyes and breathed in as tears started to dwell up and then slowly run down his cheeks.  


‘’See, um, Rachel? You remember her? That nice girl with beautiful brown eyes and hair, always smiling and voice soft as the marshmallow cocoa you used to make? Well, Grammy, she is dead.’’  


Mike covered his face with hand like there was someone to hide his tears from. He cried for a small bit and then kicked himself mentally and forced to stop. His whole body ached.  


‘’People came to our firm and just shot her,’’ he breathed in, ‘’and then she died in my arms, and, Grammy, if only I knew how fast it would go. How quickly time passes. How quickly a life fades. She didn’t… She didn’t even have her last words. Blood had gotten into her lungs and she couldn’t talk, couldn’t breathe. I mean, her suffering wasn’t too long, so it is good, right?’’ Mike’s mouth formed a dead smile.  


‘’Anyway,’’ he put his hand on the grave stone, ‘’I think I will stay here for a while. Until the sun sets completely and it becomes really cold. I don’t have my warmest clothes with me right now and I know you would get mad about this, Grammy. So don’t worry. I will stay here for just a bit.’’  


He sat down and pressed his shoulder against the side of the stone. The sun was painting the sky red in front of his eyes.  


‘’I know we didn’t travel anywhere, you and I. I used to go some places with my parents, like once we drove down to the West, to the Grand Canyon – how original, I know. But they were busy people and they tried all they could to find some time for me to just drive around and see things. But, that canyon – it had similar sunset to this. It was summer back then, so it was much warmer than this cold evening, but the sun, after all, was the same old sun. I remember wanting to go home because I was tired and there was really nothing to do more for a kid at a huge crack in the ground. But my parents wanted to make every second out of it. And I think in the end I was happy because they were.’’  


Mike went silent and watched for a minute how the sun went slowly down even further behind the trees and the world got a couple of tones darker.  


‘’I wish we could’ve taken you with us some time, Grammy. At least then I wouldn’t have been an unhandy baggage you felt obliged to take care of. When they died, I jumped you on the neck like a parasite, and you didn’t have the heart and the right mindset to put me off to some orphanage. Instead you made a decision to stick with me, for which I caused you a lot of trouble and I’m sure you wished for couple of times about leaving me to some institution which took care of kids like me,’’ Mike smiled a bit, the same dead smile.  


‘’I guess it doesn’t matter now,’’ with every second it was getting darker and colder. Mike pushed himself up and cleaned his pants from dirt. ‘’After all, we can’t go back in time with all the knowledge of how things turned out, and then make the right decisions.’’  


With the last bits of light, Mike exited the cemetery and got on the train back to Brooklyn. He went to the same motel he slept in the night before, it was after the shooting and Holly’s interview. Mike again didn’t really feel like spending night at his apartment. He will put it in the market tomorrow and buy a new one.  


As he was sitting on the bed on his small, humble room, the never ending city sounds behind his window mumbling, he pulled out his phone. Ignoring all the messages and missed calls, he pressed a number that he hadn’t called in a long time. It went to a voice mail.  


‘’Hey, Trevor? Hey, man. It’s Mike. I know, I know we didn’t end on good terms last time we saw each other. But I was just thinking, about you and the life we had, and maybe we could meet up some time? Like tomorrow maybe? And have a good time, just like when we were young and nothing was stopping us from being lazy ass sons of bitches? It’ll be on me, don’t worry. What do you say?’’  


\-----  


Mike was sitting in a busy bar, loud classic rock music playing in the background. The bartender was a cool, wood-cutter slash hipster biker type of guy with a nice beard, and he seemed to have a chat with everyone except Mike. Maybe Mike’s doomed look wasn’t really the most attractive one. Therefore he was just sitting there, drinking his second beer and numbing his brain with the rock and roll.  


Somebody hit him on his shoulder. Only one person did that in the exact manner.  


‘’Hey, Mike! Already two beers down?’’ Trevor was grinning as he sat down next to Mike.  


Mike answered also with a grin.  


‘’That’s what you get for being half an hour late, Trevor. To be honest, I wasn’t sure you’d even show up.’’  


Trevor looked down, a bit embarrassed.  


‘’Yeah, I know. I was actually thinking whether to call you back or just ignore. You know, we really didn’t end things last time we saw each other.’’  


‘’Yeah, not to say more,’’ Mike added and took a sip.  


‘’Exactly. So believe it or not, it was Jenny who encouraged me to get out and have some fun time with you.’’  


Mike frowned.  


‘’Jenny? She really did that? Huh.’’  


‘’I think she wanted to get me out of the house so she and her girlfriends could have a nice evening, you know, with wine and some cool, but cheesy movie.’’  


‘’Jenny and cheesy movie night doesn’t really add up,’’ Mike commented in disbelief and Trevor smiled.  


‘’You would think that, but, dude, once you get married, you get soft. Even such awesome, tough girl as she is. Hell, it was _me_ who suggested the other day to go see Dog’s Purpose.’’  


‘’No way,’’ Mike laughed. ‘’Where is Trevor and what have you done with him?’’  


‘’Clearly an alien abduction has happened, Mike. Right now, you are looking at Trevor’s clone.’’  


‘’That was a long stretch for a joke, dude,’’ Mike criticized, pointing at his friend his beer bottle.  


‘’I don’t know, man, you can’t exactly ask an alien to master the skill of making quality jokes in no time,’’ Trevor took Mike’s beer out of his hand even though Mike hadn’t really offered it and took a sip. Mike gestured in confusion.  


‘’Dude! Order your own,’’ he pulled back the bottle out of his friend’s hand.  


‘’You know what? I won’t. Because this place stinks quite a lot. It’s literally where dudes after their fifties come and have dude night with beer and burgers,’’ Trevor looked around and Mike followed him. He was right – the demographics of the place were closer to death than birth.  


‘’So, what do you say – let’s go to my place and throw our own night?’’ Mike suggested.  


Trevor smiled.  


‘’Sounds like a plan to me.’’  


Mike drank the rest of his beer in couple of gulps and then left the money on the counter. Soon, they merged in the busy darkness of New York.  


After fifteen minutes of walking they reached a decent apartment building. Mike had gotten it early in the morning and it was something between his old stoner’s place and his and Rachel’s home. While it wasn’t Manhattan anymore, it was a lot closer to Pearson Specter Litt than his first flat.  


Mike unlocked the door and welcomed Trevor in.  


‘’Here we are, our new home,’’ Mike gestured like he was representing something close to a royal suite.  


‘’Hey, it’s really not that bad,’’ Trevor walked around a bit. It still had a nice couch in the middle of the room and strong flashbacks of their old living place were coming back to him. ‘’But I thought that you both with Rachel made pretty decent amount of money. So why not something more fancy? Like maybe, I don’t know, Manhattan? That’s where the rich people live, right?’’  


‘’Yeah, we actually had a place there, for about three, four years I think?’’ Mike went to the fridge and took out pair of beer bottles. ‘’But when I went to prison, Rachel couldn’t really keep paying on her own all the taxes and stuff, so we decided to step down a bit. For a while, of course. Until I get back on my feet completely,’’ Mike opened the beers and handled one of them to Trevor.  


‘’Yeah, I guess that makes sense,’’ he sat down on the couch, ‘’just lying low for a while. Prison doesn’t sound like lots of fun.’’  


‘’Oh, you have no idea,’’ Mike sat down next to Trevor, reached for the good old aluminium box and opened it. Familiar smell reached their noses and a couple of joints were sitting on the bed of unmade weed.  


Mike looked at Trevor.  


‘’You sure this okay? Like both, with you and Jenny?’’  


Trevor took one of the rolls and put between his teeth.  


‘’Look, when I said I’m done, I meant I’m done risking my life dealing this stuff and making shady deals that from time to time end in putting other people I care about in danger,’’ he gave Mike a special look, ‘’but I didn’t say anything about flying up in the skies once in a while, did I?’’  


Mike nodded.  


‘’No, you did not,’’ he reached for the lighter. ‘’Here, let me.’’ He lit Trevor’s joint. Nice stream of smoke rose up and the smell got more intense.  


‘’Ah, yes,’’ Trevor was enjoying himself. ‘’I don’t even remember when was the last time I did this.’’  


Mike took one for him and also lit that up.  


‘’Yeah, me neither,’’ he lied, ‘’but whenever it was, it doesn’t matter. This is now. And right now is awesome.’’  


‘’Hell yeah.’’  


They sat in a silence for a minute, filling the room with smoke and felt the familiar tingle show up in their limbs. It was blissful.  


‘’So,’’ Trevor finally spoke, ‘’you and Rachel. Are you married already?’’  


Mike slowly let out a steady cloud of smoke.  


''Nah, not yet. I mean, the same thing applies - I just got out of the prison. Have to let that settle a bit. Get some money back. And then we are gonna have it all nice and lovely and for real.’’  


‘’Yeah, I guess prison isn’t the experience from which you just come out and the continue living like nothing happened.’’  


‘’To be honest, it could’ve been worse,’’ Mike added. Trevor looked at him, confused. Mike smiled. ‘’Harvey managed to get me a deal so that I get to come out way earlier than after two years. But I gotta say, couple of months is enough for more than a life time.’’  


Trevor nodded and took a hit.  


‘’That’s what I was telling you back then when you asked me to be your best man. I was still scared about even seeing you, because everything reminded me of those times when we used to deal and live on the edge every day. Even after all those years I associated you with nothing but trouble.’’  


‘’But something has changed, clearly.’’  


‘’Yeah. I think it kinda passed. I grew out of the fear, I have stable, nice life and a wife who loves me to bits, we have nothing to hide from each other – and before you say it, yes, even weed. She doesn’t smoke, but couple of times a year it’s okay for even her for me to take off the heat. So this kind of peace changes your mindset. You grow up and evolve in many ways.’’  


Mike smoked, took a sip of his beer and then took another hit.  


''Can’t wait to have that with Rachel. I mean, we are happy and more or less stable, but, like I said, we have to let that fraud thing settle down. After that I see nothing to stop us from becoming just as successful as you and Jenny are.’’  


Trevor nudged him in the shoulder.  


‘’I know you will. You are a real charmer, and I’m sure you and Rachel are happy to have each other.’’  


__‘’Ah, _man___ ,’’ Mike shook his head smiling, ‘’you have no idea. She is wonderful. Nice and clever and an amazing cook – you should taste her garlic shrimp pasta. That’s what heaven tastes like,’’ Mike took another sip.  


‘’By the way, where is she? Also having a nice girls’ night?’’  


‘’Nah, she is with her parents. Her aunt from Britain is visiting so she took a couple of days to spend with her family.’’  


‘’So you are living off frozen pizza and beer, am I right?’’  


‘’Hey, like you wouldn’t approve of that. Remember how we used to live like that? Frozen pizza was most of the time but those Friday nights when the whole weekend was waiting for us…’’  


‘’Giotto’s Salami Pizza,’’ Mike and Trevor said together, remembering the good times. Giotto’s pizzeria was quite expensive one, but even after all these years Mike has never had a better pizza than that.  


‘’Speaking of which—‘’  


‘’Yes, I’m on it,’’ Mike read his thoughts and got up to find some snacks. Soon, the table was filled with lots of pretzels, potato chips and more beer.  


‘’Dude,’’ Trevor lazily added, sinking deeper. ‘’I’m so glad we met up.’’  


Mike rested his head on the back of the couch.  


‘’Yeah, me too.’’  


A lot later in that night, Trevor fell asleep on Mike’s couch. As Mike himself was also struggling with staying awake, he also decided to go to bed. He dropped down on it and then used the last bits of will and strength he had to bury himself under the sheets, his head resting on a fluffy pillow.  


Mike tiredly blinked, looking to the left of him. Near to the bed was a chair, and on that chair was sitting Rachel. Her hair was messy and looked dirty, her forehead was wet of sweat. Twelve blood spots were blooming on her face. She looked at Mike and smiled.  


He closed his eyes. For the first night since the shooting, he wasn’t crying himself to sleep. A weird, but blissful emptiness had replaced Mike’s emotions.  


He finally felt dead.


	6. the lucky (broken) us

\-----

It was 8 am when Holly called him. It was also the first time he picked up the phone for someone else besides Trevor and the guy he bought his new apartment from.

‘’Yes, Detective Burnes?’’

‘’Mr. Ross. Glad to hear your voice,’’ Mike was slowly brushing his coffee cup with his finger, bored. ‘’I already talked to Harvey, but it would be beneficial if also you came down to the department and let me explain what’s what.’’

‘’Beneficial you say? Well, okay,’’ Mike simply said.

‘’Okay? Then it’s settled. Is your morning free? Maybe we could meet in an hour?’’

‘’Of course. I will be there.’’

‘’All right. See you then.’’

Mike set down his phone and stared blankly at nothing, his coffee cup steaming hot. After he finished it, he got his jacket and bike and left.

Holly still had the same facial expression she had when she was questioning Mike right after the shooting, where the cold professionalism was mixed with empathy, but there was no way the latter one would ever surpass the first one. She shook Mike’s hand and gave him a tiny smile.

‘’Welcome back, Mr. Ross. Let me guide you to a more comfortable place.’’

Mike followed her and his mind made a remark about how he seriously doubted that any place in this building felt even remotely comfortable.

Holly led him to her office, surprisingly big one, and it was tidy from one corner to another. No files were just laying around, all of them were put in neat boxes or small, organized piles. The office faintly smelled like coffee and she had no more than two picture frames of people who looked like her family. Mike was right, it wasn’t comfortable.

‘’So, what I wanted to tell you is the explanation of how things happened. What led to what. I thought you might want to know that as fast as we got the answers. Even when this is obviously a hard period in your life.’’

Mike breathed in, still looking around her office a bit, and sat down in front of her.

‘’Yes, I _would_ like to know. Not knowing is probably not going to help me.’’

Holly nodded.

‘’Okay. I see you already have the right mind set. That’s nice to hear,’’ she commented. Mike didn’t answer, but it seemed like she didn’t even want him to.

‘’So let me start with the beginning.’’

And she did tell him everything, from the very beginning till the very end. How Olivia Bayley, Gallo’s vengeful girlfriend, together with Trinsky stole the machines and then, as the lawyer of their firm joined them, sold the tech. How they knew that PSL would take the case, so it would be easier to get to their actual targets. How it seems that they thought it was beneficial for all three of them to go and inspect the grounds and how everything looked there. Talk to Harvey, talk to Mike. How they dealt the roles of their alter-egos, so that it would be both terrifying and practical – Rachel knew the lawyer, so that’s why she followed him until it was too late.

Holly also told Mike that the blood donation hotspot was very convenient for them as there were already many people, the guards were busy and all that was left for the three was to get on the elevator, change their clothes and get ready.

Somewhere in the middle of her speech Mike started wishing for her to stop, but he couldn’t get those words over his lips, so he just sat there, listening, and after a moment, the faint feeling of sickness passed. Holly finished with what was happening right now – all three of the criminals were in jail, they will be having a court in two weeks and she couldn’t see any reason how they would get out of heavy imprisonment. That still didn’t make Mike feel better. Or feel at least something.

Overall, Holly said many things Mike himself had already came up with. So he just sat there in silence, consuming the confirming information.

‘’That’s about it. Doubt that anything else will come up, but we are still investigating. Do you have any questions?’’

Mike shook his head.

‘’No, Detective Burnes, all is clear now.’’

There might have been something in his face or voice, because she looked at him, now with more concern.

‘’Hey, I know this is all a huge mess, Mr. Ross. So tell me if there is anything we can help you with. We have dealt with crimes similar to this earlier and I have seen faces like yours before. If you need someone to talk to, to get your mind on a better path, we are more than capable of doing that.’’

Mike gave her an expression made in stone.

‘’It won’t be necessary, Detective. I am actually dealing with it right now through my own sources.’’

‘’Huh,’’ Holly smiled and even kind of looked proud. ‘’I’m glad that you are onto that.’’

‘’Yeah, me too,’’ he lied again. ‘’Now, if you excuse me, I think I will be on my way.’’ He stood up.

‘’Yes, of course. I will direct you back to the door – the labyrinths of our department are usually confusing to people.’’

‘’No, it won’t be necessary. I have a pretty good memory, designed to remember stuff like this.’’

Holly looked at him for a moment and then nodded.

‘’Well then, I’m glad you came. I will see you when we will need you again, alright?’’

‘’Of course. This time, I will answer right away.’’

\-----

It was a bit past noon and the sun was shining its cold light of autumn through the huge glass walls of Pearson Specter Litt, right into the office of Mike Ross.

He himself was sitting at his desk, typing yet another draft of yet another litigation document, since while he didn’t want to get involved with the courting process of the shooters, he still had to take care of the rest, because CMO was still their client they still wanted to set everything clear in the absolute chaos this case had turned into.

It had been a week since the last time Mike was here, a week since he was leaving the note about going away for a while. He did so that people wouldn’t worry about him doing something stupid or whatever. They still probably worried, Mike considered, but that was their business, not his. At least he wasn’t proclaimed missing and currently the police wasn’t going wild around the New York state, searching for a 35 year old guy in such places as bars, casinos, or morgues, therefore his note wasn’t really a waste of time.

‘’Mike? Holy—What are you doing here?’’

Mike startled a bit from being deep in his thoughts, and looked up. Louis was standing still and awkward in the door frame of his office.

‘’What do you mean by that? I am clearly working, Louis.’’

‘’Yeah, I can see that, but I thought that, you know, you won’t come back this soon,’’ Louis came a bit further, but still kept his distance like for some sort of reason he was afraid of Mike. Or maybe he was afraid to breathe too harshly on him in case he shatters.

‘’Well, I have been away for a week, so I think it’s a good time to be back. Need to finish the case after all.’’

‘’I get that. But, so you know, we are a team here, and we are handling the matters pretty well right now. So, if you don’t want to be here—‘’

‘’But I do.’’ Mike simply stood up, not sure why, so he decided to slowly walk out of the office and go to the restroom. That’s a valid reason, right? ‘’I do want to be here. I have a case, both, Harvey and I, and it would be not cool to let Harvey do all the work.’’

Louis followed his movements, still keeping his distance.

‘’You _and_ Harvey shouldn’t really be here, Mike, for your information, he jumped in right after everything—‘’

‘’Well, then good for him,’’ Mike turned a bit to Louis, and then continued walking out of his office, ‘’I took a break. He didn’t. Either way, here we are, doing our work.’’

‘’Yes, but everyone is worried about you two,’’ Louis followed Mike out of the office. ‘’What you both went through, what _you_ went through—‘’

‘’I am aware of that, yes, Louis,’’ Mike started to get really annoyed, ‘’we are both traumatized, or whatever, and everyone is expecting us to go and cry in a corner and drink our minds away, or some other bullshit. Because that’s what the movies show us, right?’’

Louis didn’t get the hint to back off and lay down his persuasion, as always, so he stepped in front of Mike to look him in the face.

‘’No, but we expected you to take some time to grieve, to let the dust settle, because the rest of us really can handle the stuff that is yours and Harvey’s. And, Mike, just so you know, we are working miracles here in our team spirit, since the blood donation event brought many of us together more closely.’’

Mike stopped and smiled a mocking smile, turning his head away from Louis.

‘’Right, the blood donation,’’ he looked back at his older colleague and then tried to walk past him. Louis caught his hand, because he clearly wasn’t finished.

‘’Mike, please, you must understand that we all just want to help you—‘’

And a hard fist landed in Louis’s face. Mike had turned back, his eyes wide, but nothing else in his expression had changed. He was breathing heavily.

Louis stepped back and covered his cheek with hand.

‘’Mike—‘’

‘’No, you know what?’’ Mike hit him again. ‘’You know what, Louis? If it wasn’t for your stupid, pathetic idea of donating blood in our workplace, they wouldn’t have gotten in here. The guards would’ve seen them - they were carrying guns, Louis - and yet they didn’t, because so many people were coming in. Because of you. Because of your arrogant, miserable brain who came up with such idiotic plan, ‘’another hit landed in Louis’s face, ‘’and they just came up, slipped into our offices, right in front of our faces, and shot, and killed Rachel, just like that. Bam,’’ he hit again, ‘’and she was gone, Louis, she was gone, right? Because it doesn’t fucking happen like in the movies! They don’t die after giving a heartbreaking speech. They don’t get to say their last words. Nobody gets to gather around them, to hold their hand. Guess what? They just fucking die,‘’ he hit, ‘’and die,‘’ he hit again, ‘’and die, and all you can do is fucking watch!’’

Mike hit once more and Louis finally fell to the floor, his face all red from blood and swollen. Mike was breathing harshly and taking in shallow breaths. He looked at Louis, then around them. Many people had gathered and now were watching in terror the scene.

A huge wave of sickness came over Mike. His heart was racing like a mad horse, his vision suddenly felt misleading and very familiar to what had happened that one day in the restroom. Mike decided to move, at first it was a stumble, but then, as he got past Louis, still lying on the floor, and the crowd, he, half running and half falling down, ran to the closest men’s room.

At first he forgot where it was, so his legs just carried him forwards, until his vision caught the needed toilet sign. Mike crashed in, went right to the closest stall, and puked.

\-----

It was past midnight and way past the time people normally bang on the doors of their friends to ask to let them in. And yet, there it was - someone punching the door like they wanted to make a hole.

But Harvey had learned the importance of opening the door to his friends in need, and even more, he knew, maybe with his sixth sense, that the person standing behind them was no one else but Mike Ross.

‘’Hey, Harvey.’’

Mike was slightly leaning against the door frame and looked like trash. But at that moment, Harvey didn’t care. His heart was jumping in joy. Mike was home.

‘’Mike, hey. Come in,’’ he stepped aside. Mike pushed himself in. As he walked past Harvey, a smell of alcohol emanated.

‘’I’m sorry, this is, like, really late,’’ Mike spoke again and slowly walked around the apartment. Finally, he noticed the famous scotch stand – Harvey had moved it for some reason – and with somewhat determination started heading towards it.

Harvey didn’t say anything, but walked past Mike who had already taken the big carafe, and took it out of his hands.

‘’I don’t think you need this right now,’’ Harvey said calmly as Mike was looking in passive confusion.

‘’Okay, whatever you say. You the boss,’’ Mike smiled, and Harvey’s heart dropped.

‘’Yes, I am, so, listen to me once more and come here,’’ Harvey took Mike by bicep and sat him down on the couch. Mike obeyed without a word and that was already a sign that something is really, really wrong.

‘’Mike, are you high?’’ 

Mike smiled again and looked in Harvey’s eyes.

‘’Yeah. So?’’

‘’Nothing. Just checking.’’

‘’You want some?’’

Harvey stopped. Did Mike really bring drugs here? 

His first instinct was to say definite no, because this was not the best situation to get high – he hadn’t seen Mike for a week and now he had showed up all messed up. But what came out of his lips was the complete opposite.

‘’Yeah, why not.’’

Mike shifted and pulled out a roll from his pocket. Then he handed it to Harvey.

‘’Here. All fresh. The courtesy of the coffee cart guy.’’

Harvey smiled and for a tiny second, the illusion that things actually were kind of okay overshadowed everything else. It passed quickly.

He lit up the joint and sat on the couch next to Mike. Whatever was going to happen, Harvey was not going to get himself too stoned to lose the control of taking care of Mike.

‘’So, what are you doing here so late?’’ he began.

Mike smiled again and took the joint out of Harvey’s fingers. His knuckles were all bruised, Harvey noticed.

‘’Just wanted to check up on you, you know? Haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?’’

Harvey swallowed.

‘’I’m good. Mostly. I’m better now. Now that I know you are here.’’

‘’Ha, yeah, I probably did give a bit of a scare to y’all.’’ Mike took another hit.

‘’Well, a bit would be an understatement.’’

Mike looked at him, his smile gone, but still amused.

‘’Yeah, maybe.’’

A silence settled.

‘’And what about you, Mike? Where have you been in all this time?’’

‘’Ah, just visited some old friends. Spent some quality time away from the work. Also sold my apartment.’’

Harvey was surprised for a moment and then everything clicked in his mind. So that’s why it was always so dark.

‘’Yeah? What old friends? And a new apartment? Where?’’ Questions kind of spilled out of Harvey’s mouth. Mike didn’t seem to bother though.

‘’Ah, you know, Trevor,‘’ Harvey’s soul sank, ‘’and I got my new home in Brooklyn. It’s pretty sweet.’’

‘’So how is Trevor doing? Didn’t know you would even talk after what happened.’’

‘’Me neither, I was kinda worried he wouldn’t call back. But he did. And he is actually doing pretty good. House, wife, job. What more an ex-criminal could want?’’

‘’Good to hear,’’ Harvey said, but he didn’t care enough about Trevor to actually mean it.

‘’Ya. He has changed for good,’’ Mike took another hit, and then remembered that the roll actually was given to Harvey. ‘’Oh, right, sorry. Here.’’

He handed the joint. Harvey took it. Mike stood up.

‘’You know…’’ he began and then stopped for couple of moments, his face half hidden from Harvey. Harvey was frozen, waiting for something to happen. Something shifted in the atmosphere.

Mike breathed in loudly.

‘’You know that thing about forgetting? When our brain gets so clustered with emotions and thoughts and memories, that it just decides to delete or store stuff deep inside itself so it doesn’t overwhelm you?’’ he stopped again and turned a bit more towards Harvey, so he could look him in the eyes. ‘’I wish I had that. What you have. What nearly everyone has. Wish I was just… normal.’’

‘’Mike. You _are_ normal. What are you talking about?’’ Harvey carefully asked. Mike again grinned, turned away from his friend and started slowly walking towards the door. Harvey also stood up and followed him with concerned look.

‘’I was always proud of myself, of my memory, how cool it was for me to remember things that took days or even months for others to memorize. Just one look, one read through the pages, and I got it. Hell, not just me, but others too envied me of that. The coolest guy in the class who remembered everything.’’

Mike stopped right as the corridor wall started. Then he turned and pressed his back against it, sliding down on the floor, facing now the windows where behind them the city was forever alive.

Harvey stopped and just looked at him.

‘’Now this coolest guy ever will always remember how his fiancé looked when she died.’’

Harvey broke. This was it, this was the moment of which he had promised himself to be there for Mike, to listen and take care. But it already struck him more than he ever imagined.

‘’This is no longer a math test to sell. Or a BarBri legal handbook to memorize. Or anything else I did to make a screw-up out of myself - a fraud, or, even better, a convict.’’

‘’Don’t ever call yourself a screw-up.’’

‘’Why, Harvey? Because I’m what, I’m not that? I’m neither of those things I just mentioned?’’ Mike looked up, his eyes shining.

Harvey swallowed and slowly came to Mike and sat down with him, facing the same way he was, their shoulders slightly touching.

‘’Doesn’t matter,’’ Mike continued before Harvey could find the best words or even something to say. ‘’I don’t get to choose what to remember or not. It just happens. And here I am, having a picture of her, forever in my mind.’’ Mike’s voice cracked a bit. Harvey bit his tongue.

‘’I still see her, Harvey.’’

Mike was crying, Harvey could hear it in his voice.

‘’I see her with her hair all messy, but still beautiful, her forehead filled with dozens of little sweat pearls. Her brown eyes filled with tears and confusion. The twelve blood drips on her cheek and forehead. Her lips slightly moving as she tries to say something, but just can’t. And I can see how the life leaves her like in a slow motion. How every second something in her face changes and goes away, that you can’t just get—‘’

Mike stopped as his voice cracked completely. Tears were now streaming down his face. 

Harvey was sitting, his eyes focused on the city behind the window, couple of tears running in lines on his cheeks

‘’I am never going to forget that,’’ Mike continued, tone all rough and barely contained. ‘’My mind will always keep it, the last picture of Rachel. Always the messy hair. And always those twelve blood drops.’’

After a moment, Mike spoke again.

‘’And then you come,’’ he turned his head to look at Harvey’s profile. ‘’I was so scared that that was it. That that’s how we are gonna die. How the last moments of my life would be watching you get shot. The same way. The same sweat. The same blood. God, you know how scared I was, Harvey?’’ he bit his lip and turned away, almost in embarrassment. 

‘’Anyway. Here we are. And Rachel is gone. And nothing will ever be what it was.’’

A longer, thicker silence settled. Both men were just sitting, shoulder to shoulder, and crying in complete silence. As intimate as the moment was, absolutely nothing felt awkward. This was where they wanted to be right now.

Harvey followed his instincts. He slightly shifted his hand that was simply laid down on the floor and brushed his fingers against Mike’s. Then, he took his hand in his own.

For a moment, Mike didn’t do anything, but then, he answered Harvey by slightly squeezing his hand back.

And then, there they were, sitting on the floor, backs pressed against the wall, holding hands and looking at their own distorted, vague and unfamiliar reflections in the window with the city lights behind them, forever burning bright in the night, waiting for the morning to come.

\--  
Epilogue  
\--

Somebody on the street was playing a trumpet. Mike also knew what the song was – Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

After couple of seconds, he had located where the musician was. It was an old guy with beautiful beard, wearing a trilby. Mike came a bit closer to the musician, and listened to the melody. Then, he pulled out five dollars and put it in the bowl for donations. The man slightly nodded thanks to Mike, and Mike answered with a smile.

He quickly passed through the park and looked at his watch. He was already one minute late.

But there he was. Harvey, waiting on the side of the street. He was sitting behind the wheel of a two-door Maserati and grinning.

Mike checked if no cars were coming and then paced to the passenger’s side.

‘’One minute late.’’

‘’I know. Don’t push it.’’

Mike slid in the seat and put on his seatbelt.

‘’To where?’’

‘’To infinity and beyond.’’

Harvey rolled his eyes and looked at Mike in disappointment.

‘’Seriously? Buzz Lightyear?’’

‘’Hey, it’s a cool line. _And_ a cool movie, you know,’’ Mike smiled at Harvey. ‘’But actually, I was thinking about going somewhere a bit farther.’’

‘’And that would be where?’’

Mike thought something to himself, like he was remembering a memory.

‘’When was the last time you saw the Grand Canyon?’’

Harvey nodded.

‘’Grand Canyon it is.’’

He started the car, the engine rearing like a lion. Then, he turned and drove into the traffic. After couple of seconds, they had blended into the mass of colours and noises, and the ordinary people of New York.

Nobody heard of them for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone for reading this. it was a pleasure to write and only took a couple of emotional breakdowns.  
> some things got untold, feel free to fill them with your own imagination.  
> and i hope you enjoyed this ride. thank you, again, very much for spending your time on this.
> 
> cheers!


End file.
